Friday, August 11, 2006
Would YOU Honk at This?
I run almost exclusively at night. There have been times in my life when I’ve been a morning person, but right now is not one of those times. And I know, I know, I really should run/exercise in the morning, but let’s just be happy that I’m off the couch, and not worry too much about the particulars, OK?
I also know when I run the St. George marathon in Oct. that I’m going to be running a very long way, very early in the morning. I’m not worried about that. Mostly I’ll be worried about the enormous distance stretching out in front of me. What time it is will be secondary, I assure you.
I also run on a busy, but not terribly busy road. (Wasatch Blvd, for those of you familiar with SLC) I’d say a car passes me every minute or two as I putter down the sidewalk.
Here’s what I don’t get: People honk at me and yell at me. Specificallly, female types yell at me. Like last night, a whole group of teenage girls yelled at me. Something along the lines of “Woo Hoo!” which I barely heard over the din of Rush in my iPod and also mostly just succeeded in scaring the be-hoovies out of me. Seriously, I jumped a foot in the air.
Anyway, I’ve long since given up on the notion that I’m a “looker” and I’m OK with that. Even when I had hair, I don’t think I was “all that.” I attracted the ladies through wit (and guile) and my boyish grin. Though I’ve been told by reputable sources that I’m pretty hot stuff to “bears” in the gay community. And I’m even OK with that. Nice to know I’d have someplace to land if I ever decided to switch teams.
Maybe they were just trying to startle me and weren’t really expressing an opinion on my overall looks. Or maybe they are large bearded gay men with abnormally high pitched voices.
And I know that these people aren’t trying to tell me to get off the road. When I run, I’m about a parsec off the road. Safety first, after all.
But I get really perplexed when people honk at me. When I run with Reha and they honk at her I can understand that completely. For one thing she is hot. And not just to gay guys! Obviously, honking at her is dumb, macho, misogynistic (take your pick of derogatory adjective there), and has ZERO chance of ever being effective as a device to meet someone new. I mean, what are you going to tell your grandchildren? Yeah, when I met grandma, she was jogging, and I honked at her from my bitchin’ Camaro and she swooned and we’ve been together ever since. Whatever.
So I’ll give you photographic evidence. Would you honk at this guy?
I thought not. I mean look at those legs! Pale and pasty doesn’t even come close, does it? I’m so white I’m basically transparent, you know. Plus, I had just gotten back from a 5 mile run and I was stinky and sweaty and icky. Though I will say this: My legs, right now… those thigh and calf muscles? Like freaking steel ropes, man. I’ll never be a tanned man or have hair on the top of my head, but my damn leg muscles are FABULOUS!
But look! If you zoom in real close on that photo, you can see the t-shirt that I made and you can purchase for yourself. I’m sure you’d look much better in a shirt like this than I do, great looking person that you are.
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Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?
©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.
