Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Worry Wart
Things that currently make me worried:
1) Jen reads this and shows up at my house demanding an apology.
2) The Democrats snatch defeat from the Jaws of Victory and we have to live with the Republicans being incredibly smug for 2 more years.
3) NBC stops giving Aaron Sorkin blow (or hookers or whatever they are giving him) and he stops writing “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.” Man, I could watch a show where he re-wrote the phone book. He’d make it work, I’m telling you.
4) That someone tells the emo kids at the mall that they look ridiculous and they emo kids believe them, because it’s just too much fun to be waited on my them. And seriously, kids, the black nail polish and the deathly pale powdered faces? They clash with all the crosses you are wearing.
5) Spontaneous human combustion. I know it’s probably just a myth and it seems biologically unlikely (we are mostly made out of nonflammable water after all), but man, that would suck.
6) Coke loses the secret formula for Diet Coke and I’ll be forced to drink like, water or something.
7) Blizzard makes either Diablo III or I somehow get a free month or two subscription to World of Warcraft. I know, I’m supposed to be an adult and all, but I have no willpower about these things, you know.
8) They lawn police come over to my house and ask why I never mowed the back yard lawn all summer. (Not quite true. I mowed it once (twice?) at the beginning of the season).
9) I’m going to start running again this week. Little concerned that I won’t be able to take five steps.
10) That someone buys me a new Mac Book. I think I’d sit right down and cry. And no one wants to see me weep, friends. Please, think of the children! Don’t buy me a new Mac Book! And especially don’t pack it full of RAM and upgrade the HD! I’d be aquiver for weeks!
11) That no one will “get” my Harriet Myers Halloween costume and I’m a little too far behind the curve.
12) That someone finds my “hidden” CD collection and discover that Spin Doctors CD. Heaven help me, I liked that “Two Princes” song.
13) VICE PRESIDENT DOCTOR NIGAWE from Chad doesn’t come through on his payment. Sent him a copy my drivers’ license and accounts numbers and everything.
14) People will continue to call NASCAR a sport. (OK, this isn’t really pressing, but come on! Stomp on gas and turn left does not a sport make, friends)
15) That I admit that I’m playing Edie Brickell and New Bohemians right this very second and I know all the words.
16) That word gets out that I still get kind of worked up about the whole “Han shot first!” thing. Can’t I just let that go? I mean, come on it’s just a freaking movie.
17) That no one EVER tells Kim Jong-il to change his hair style, That pompadour is GOLD, baby! Don’t ever change, ya crazy loon.
Favorite Entries
If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.
- Correspondence
- Help Wanted
- From the Office of Mis-directed Email
- A Word from the Small Person in the House
- RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
- Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
- Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
- A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
- We Regret the Error
- Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
- What I Did There
- Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
- Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
- Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
- I Need a Real Hobby
- Beat Down
- Big Fat Lies
- True Love
- Now MY Ovaries Hurt
- Don’t Get Her Started
- Disturbing Trend
- Had to do it
- Mooshy stuff
- Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
- Diva-licious!
- Just so we’re clear
- PETA may have a point
Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!
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Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?
©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.
