Wednesday, August 22, 2007

World Wrestling Something or Other

Reha called me on my hateful non-iPhone cellular Blackberry +2 Device of Loathing.

“Hey, Jon!”

I move my head in circles, trying to get better reception, “Hey, Re, what’s up?”

“Where are you?”

More tipping and twirling of my head, “I’m right here, at my desk.”

“What are you doing?”

“Um, just working, I guess. Why?”

“Well, it sounds like you are over there in a wrestling match or something.”

“Well, yeah, Re, there is a bear here, and I’ve wrestled it to the ground. He had my phone.”

“Oh, is Richard there?”

And I fell over and died laughing.

See, because Richard? Gay. And he’s not just gay, he’s a “sub-species” of gay guy who classifies himself as a ”bear."

I explained all of this “bear” stuff to Reha a while ago as a way to prove to her that my beard was, in fact attractive to at least some people and not at all throughly goofy looking, since Richard said that my beard made me look “hot” and “adorable” and not at all like one of the guys from ZZ Top, which frankly, though I was flattered, I was a bit nonplussed, since I really am going for the ZZ Top look. It’s either the ZZ Top look or until Reha refuses to be seen in public with me or I have to rip my face off because it itches ALL THE TIME.

Anyway, that’s a whole lot of explanation for not a lot of joke, but I just had to share with you the fact that my wife made a completely out of character funny.

And to point out yet again, that I need an iPhone instead of the unholy monstrosity that is the Blackberry 7100 series from Sprint.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.