Thursday, February 02, 2006

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

I work in downtown Salt Lake. Actually, by pure chance you can see a photo of where I work. Mine is the building with the white facade.

Anyway, our neighbor to the north runs a used book shop/antiques/porn shop. Mostly he deals in used books and buying whole truckloads of crap at estate sales and hoping to find golden eggs amidst dead people’s old junk. He’s actually quite successful. But he’s also got a booty-load of porn in there as well.

Pete is the proprietor of the porn shop and he’s really quite the character. He loves to tell this story, which may or may not be true. But in the words of David Sedaris, it’s probably true enough.

Pete had this regular customer for about 15-20 years and the guy would buy porn from Pete just about every week/month/whatever. After years of that the guy had amassed a HUGE collection, all mostly purchased from our hero Pete.

Pete’s customer (let’s call him Bob) stores the porn behind a false wall in his garage.

He had basically built a little room back there, complete with shelves and probably a cataloging system. But one day Bob’s wife (who knows NOTHING about the porn stash) mistakenly hits the gas instead of the brake while parking in the garage and rams right into the false wall, bringing a veritable MOUNTAIN of porn onto the hood of her car.

This is understandably unacceptable to her on many levels, so she delivers an ultimatum to Bob that he must either give up the porn collection or give up being married to her. Bob chooses to stay with her and as a token of his true repentance he GIVES all the porn back to Pete.

Pete loves to tell that story, not because they guy got caught or anything, but because in the end he got to sell the same batch of pr0n TWICE. Though it is really fun to hear Pete tell the story, because he gets really animated and acts out the wall of porn falling onto the car. And Pete swears a lot and he just had all his teeth extracted and refuses to wear his dentures so it’s really entertaining to hear him try and say “shit.”

That’s why we love Pete the porn dealer.

And he sued our company once… that was fun.

Jon scribbled this mess on 02/02/06 at 09:52 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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