Thursday, July 31, 2008

This Is Why People Never Email Me Back

First off, if you’ve been reading here for a while (hi, Mom!), you know that I don’t venture too far out of my cave and point out things on the Internet that I enjoy. Links, videos, photos, etc. I am not a “link” blogger, culling the interesting from the mundane on the ’Net, a là Kottke or Rex. Folks like that do the “Here’s a cool link!” thing much better than I could hope to. I have a long neglected tumblr site and del.icio.us thing-y I ruthlessly ignore for that sort of thing. Occasionally, sure, but mostly I just do my thing here and leave being a “taste-maker” to people better suited to it.

Second, yes, I sent the following an email and yes, it was really late when I wrote it, thanks for asking. And yeah, I’m one of those people that scribbles entirely over-long emails. Shoot me dead and leave me in a ditch if you want, but that’s how I roll.

Third, just go read her.

Kyran—

I just feel compelled to tell you that I’ve taken to stopping people on the street and saying, “Hello, good stranger! How are you today? That is a lovely hat you are sporting! It goes really well with those khaki Dockers. I’ve seen you before in front of the Deli, since we both work here on the same street. Now, I may be way off the mark and forgive me for being so bold, but have you lost a little weight? You look more svelte than usual.”

“Thank you, please let go of my hand.”

“I’m merely shaking your hand.”

“True, but the time for shaking has long past and you still have ahold of my hand. To a casual observer it might seem like we are just standing here in front of the Deli, holding hands.”

“Good point. Anyway, I have stopped you here on the street because I simply MUST tell you about this web site I happened upon the other day.”

“Um. OK. What is it?”

“It’s called Notes to Self and it’s written by a delightful writer named Kyran and her prose is sublime. You MUST drop everything and get yourself to a web browser and begin paging through her archives in search of gems and assorted shiny baubles of writing. She also writes poetry, but you know me, I’m not that into poetry and what’s even more odd is that I like her stuff in the first place, since I usually don’t go for so-called ‘serious’ writing and generally stick to people on the web who are ‘funny’ writers, given my proclivity for keeping things completely superficial and light and airy like a good chocolate mousse. But she’s that good. Why are you still standing here? Let’s get you to some WiFi! You can borrow my iPhone!”

“You must be right about this site, though; the foam at the corners of your mouth as you babble about it speaks volumes about your enthusiasm for it. And I haven’t left because you still have ahold of my hand.”

And then I get arrested because the person was clandestinely dialing 911 on his cell phone in his pocket with his other hand.

But I always make bail and once the person actually goes and reads your stuff they agree it’s wonderful and drop all charges against me.

Usually that’s what happens.

—jon

Jon scribbled this mess on 07/31/08 at 01:22 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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