Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Suspicious

The talented schmutzie posted a list of things that make her suspicious. She did nine. I’m doing eight, because not only am I a rebel, but I’m an under-achiever.

— People talking to themselves. Are they crazy homeless people or merely yuppies with bluetooth headsets? I swear, sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. You can’t really go by dress alone. Yuppies have been known to do trashy chic. And certainly you can’t go by what the person is saying. “No, I need you to push that! That is completely unacceptable! Those guys are out to get me!” I’ve heard similar things from both bluetooth sporting weenies and unmedicated homeless people. Either way, I’m steering clear.

— A quiet house. It can mean one of a few things, all bad. 1) the kids are squirreled away, silently “plotting the overthrow of this despotic state!” (really, that’s a direct quote from Lucas the other day), 2) crazy ax murderers have come to visit (again!) and are waiting to leap out at me from underneath the stairs, 3) the pod people have gotten to my family and I’m completely alone in the Universe now. I’ll be lonely!

— People who dislike The Beatles. Please understand, I’m not a huge über-fan; The Beatles were a bit before my time, generationally speaking (SHUT UP, I know generationally is kinda crappy English, work with me here, friends), but how can you say, “I hate The Beatles!”? It’s happy fun music! Mostly. I know, I know, musical taste is an utterly subjective affair, but come on, surely we can all say that The Beatles were pretty decent and you have to be at least a little “off” if you hate them. And Sgt. Peppers’ simply has to be on everyone’s “Greatest Albums of All Time” list. It’s a masterpiece. So if you actively dislike The Beatles, you MUST have something very wrong with you. Q.E.D., I grow suspicious in your company. Back off.

— Beeps that I don’t recognize. Given that my world is full of computers and electronic gadgets, I hear a lot of beeping and chiming. I’ve even gone so far as to program my computer life so that certain sounds that mean specific things. It helps me to know when I’ve gotten email from my wife or whether a server has gone south, etc. So when I hear a beep or twiddle I don’t immediately recognize, I get nervous.

— When I see my contractor’s number on my cell phone. Although when I see his number, it’s not just suspicion, it’s outright terror. “How much? Really? That will set the schedule back that long?”

— People who dress up as their favorite Star Wars/Anime/Dungeon & Dragons character. Look, I’m a nerd and a geek and all that, but the whole cosplay thing not only weirds me out, but I become deeply mistrustful of these folks. You are not a fictional character nor are you in a roving gang of street theater thugs, so please stop dressing like that. This is one of the many reasons why, even though I might enjoy it on some deeply nerdly level, I’ll never go to a Star Trek convention.

— Dora the Explorer. Anyone who talks that loudly has must be hiding something. I think in a later series we’ll find that she off’ed Diego in order to get their inheritance and then tossed him in the sea and he was eaten by his dolphin friends. WHY MUST SHE SHOUT EVERYTHING?

— I become suspicious of dairy products as they creep closer to their expiration dates. ONE SECOND after midnight on the expiration date and I’m not putting that milk on my cereal, no matter if it still smells “OK.” I don’t care. The expiration date is not a suggestion, people, it’s The Rule and The Law.

Since she just made this meme up out of the ether, I hereby tag anyone who reads this and wants to make their own list to feel free to take up the cause.

Although specifically, I think it would be wonderful and life affirming to see a list of suspicions from the following folks:

FluidPudding
Anitra
RaJ
Workman

We are a nation of paranoids.

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/20/07 at 05:42 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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