Thursday, October 18, 2007

Spolier Warning

Warning! Spoilers ahead.

Fight Club—You know how Brad Pitt’s Tyler Durden character is totally skinny and looks pretty amazing and buff, even to my flaming heterosexual eye? By the end of the movie he’s strung out on doughnuts and Cherry Coke.

Basic Instinct—Sharon Stone’s character repents for all her wickedness and runs off to the slums of Delhi to join Mother Theresa.

Soylent Green—Charlton Heston really crashed landed on Earth in the future, not some distant planet like he thought at the beginning of the movie.

Planet of the Apes—The ape food is people! It’s made out of people!!

The Godfather: Part II—Fredo Corleone takes over the family business and turns it into a dairy farm.

Pirates of the Caribbean (any version)—No matter how many times you watch it and how much you might wish for it, you never get to see Keira Knightly, Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp nekkid. However, Geoffery Rush’s naked tush is on screen for a full fifteen minutes at the end of the trilogy you can’t reach fast enough for the eye bleach to burn that image away. He just stands there with his bare bum facing the camera, talking to Johnny Depp and Keith Richards.

Return of the King—Sam Gamgee mistakes the One Ring for a potato and eats it.

The Godfather—Even though it looks like Abe Vigoda’s character Tessio is killed, that doesn’t happen. Everyone knows Abe Vigoda can’t be killed by normal human methods. You have to use Kryptonite.

Superman—Speaking of Kryptonite, Marlon Brando got so hungry on set that he started eating the set dressing and they had to send out for more Kryptonite. He thought it was stale green Jell-o.

Rocky—Rocky begins screaming “They drew first blood!” and pulls a machine gun out of his boxing shorts and kills Burgess Meredith by accident. It’s very dramatic!

The Crying Game—Jaye Davidson’ character is really Boy George. “I’ll tumble for ya” plays over the closing credits.

Ocean’s Eleven—Tyler Durden doesn’t exist! Edward Norton is psychotic and Julia Roberts is played by Jaye Davidson in drag.

Jon scribbled this mess on 10/18/07 at 10:22 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Twitter

    Favorite Entries

    If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

     

    Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

     

    Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?


    ©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.