Monday, November 21, 2005

My Son, the Sleep Puker

Last night Reha and I walked into our room, expecting to find a sleeping Jonah in our bed. I had sent him to bed early because he dumped a “soap experiment” on Ellis’ head while she was taking a bath. “But Dad, I was just trying to see what happened when I mixed shampoo, water and liquid hand soap and then poured it on her.”

What happens is that Ellis screams and Screams and SCREAMS because; 1) she’s never liked having things poured over her head. Water gets in her ears and that bugs her, and 2) she gets soap in her eyes. Duh, Jonah. These are hypotheses that don’t need empirical data, my friend. So he got sent to bed early (8:30) (our bed, since he doesn’t really have a room right now because of the never ending remodel) and then we move him to the couch or somewhere else after he’s fallen asleep.

Reha was the first into our bedroom and just after walking in she says, “Jonah, are you OK? Did you throw up?”

“ABOUT A MILLION TIMES, MOM!” He yelled. Like the question irritated the crap out of him. I’m not exactly sure how Re knew he’d vomited. She either used her inherent super-female-olfactory-sensory-power or she stepped in a puddle of the stuff at the foot of our bed.

“Are you OK?”

“Yeah, I moved so I’m not sleeping in it.”

Uh-oh. Not only are there a couple of puddles of puke on the floor, but he’s deposited a few choice blobs in select places on the bed. And our sheets. And both blankets. Soaking into the mattress.

“Jonah, why didn’t you get up? And why didn’t you call us?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember throwing up. Maybe I was sleep walking when I threw up. Sleep puking.”

“But you could have at least called us and told us you threw up.”

“My voice was tired.” Never mind that he started out by yelling at us and though he’s modulated his tone, he still sounds fine.

We moved him off the bed and into the hallway (his idea) and covered him, which is kind of pathetic if you can get a mental picture of this little kid in his camouflage undies (he REFUSES to wear pajamas, like EVER, preferring commando over anything, getting him to wear clothes is a struggle) in our skinny hallway and covered with a baby blanket (also his idea) and a throw pillow (again, his idea).

Final score on the Master Bedroom and Furnishings vs. Jonah: 0 to 7. Three puddles on our bed and 4 on the floor. I think we emptied a Family size bottle of Febreeze™ in there everywhere. The mattress was still damp when we got up. But that stuff works! No puke smell at all on the mattress. Bless you, diligent product scientists at Proctor & Gamble, bless you.

While we are cleaning up the bed and the floor he tells us that he has some “nasty vomit” on his arm and his face “AND THAT REALLY BOTHERS ME BECAUSE I CAN’T PUT MY HEAD ON MY ARM AND IT’S STARTING TO FEEL LIKE IT BURNS. CAN YOU PLEASE CLEAN ME?”

“Sure, Jonah, we’ll get right on that.”

Jonah has inherited his mother’s “I sleep better when I’m sick if I’m sitting upright” thing so eventually we move him to the living room chair. Poor kid.Yes, that bowl is there so he can puke it in. And yes, he did puke in it later.

Oh, and did our washing machine break on Saturday? Yes! Did the Sears guys come and say that he didn’t have the part and he’d have to order it and he had no idea when it would arrive? Double Yes!

And did the freight company call me this morning (Monday) saying their truck driver was ready to deliver the wood flooring we ordered three months ago and that we had officially scheduled to arrive on Friday? Oh yes. Do we have a spot ready in the dining room where the wood can sit and acclimate for a week? No, not so much.

Did I wire the downstairs incorrectly for three-way switches and have to start over? Kinda. Do three-way switches confuzzle me? Maybe a little. And did I drop $150 more at Home Depot again this weekend? Of course.

And I fell off the ladder. Almost put a screwdriver in my diaphragm when I landed, too.

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/21/05 at 08:04 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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