Monday, November 07, 2005

Seriously, buy HD stock NOW

To whoever re-did our basement last time:

BITE ME. And after you are done biting me, I shall string you up by your appendages with your dumb TWO WIRE (non-grounded) electrical cabling and then I shall stuff your orifices with the fictionally grounded outlets you used down there. I have thus far re-wired the entire basement, except one row of outlets. I hate you, former owners with bad taste in paneling.

Oh, and we have a new record for trips to the Home Depot in one day.

Three.

Yes, I went to the Home Depot THREE times on Saturday. First, in the morning to get my list o’ things I needed for the day. Second time was after lunch and working for a few hours for the things I forgot in the AM run and lastly when I went to get stuff late that night just to round out the “Crap, I need more clamp thing-ys.” Needless to say I was a tad bit embarrassed by this and went to a different HD the last time. Two times is understandable, three just means you should have hired someone to do what you are trying and quite obviously failing to do.

I’m going running in the morning. First time in over a month. I expect it will go badly and I’ll have some great story about coughing up my left lung on Wasatch Blvd. I look forward to telling that in loving detail.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.