Monday, June 02, 2008

Sadly, This is the Kind of Stuff That Keeps Me Up at Night

Next time you are in a 7-eleven, go to the fountain drink section of the store and note the following about the sizes of the cups:

Gulp: 20 oz. (591 mL)

Big Gulp: 32 oz. (946 mL)

Super Big Gulp: 44 oz (1301 mL)

Double Gulp: 64 oz. (1893 mL)

Notice the problem?

The DOUBLE Gulp.

It has been named very poorly. Very, very poorly. It is not double the size of the Gulp. It should be the “Triple and a Little Bit More Gulp.”

Though I understand how that might not roll off the tongue and may not even fit on the side of the cup when you typeset it in HUGE letters.

They recently increased the size of the Gulp from 16 oz. (473 mL) to its current size. So the problem used to be even worse.

And, if you were the sort of person who was prone to thinking obsessively about the sizes and names of the cups in a 7-eleven and started a letter writing campaign to the Southland Corporation (7-eleven’s former corporate name) a while back which politely pointed out this glaring inconsistency in their product line and has been writing letters about this issue to the company every single week for YEARS and have NEVER heard back from them, except a stupid form letter that says “thanks for visiting 7-eleven!” and a coupon for a free Slurpee, good through August of 1999 and have basically been treated like a pariah and been banned from the neighborhood 7-eleven after organizing a smallish protest (a drunk guy and underage kids loitering and looking for someone to buy them some beer), tossing all the offending cups on the floor and then storming out while shrieking, “THESE ARE NOT DOUBLE. YOU CAN’T CALL THESE DOUBLE GULPS, WHEN CLEARLY THEY ARE NOT DOUBLE THE SIZE OF THE GULP!”; well, you might just feel a little bummed.

Though I wouldn’t know anything about that, of course.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Partners
• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2010 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.