Thursday, September 04, 2008

RNT Mission Statement

I’m currently redesigning the Ransom Note Typography site. I’m also taking the opportunity to re-think some things.

Hence, I present you with the shiny and new Ransom Note Typography Mission Statement:

1) At Ransom Note Typography, we are committed to presenting our loyal readers with quality content on a regular basis.

The same standard of poorly written, cheaply executed and deeply flawed ideas will continue. On the same unpredictable, irrational and irregular schedule I’ve enjoyed of late.

2) The reader is the most important member of the Ransom Note Typography Team. Without you, we wouldn’t be here.

I have readers! Suck it, lesser blogs! And, you can’t spell “reader” without stealing a few letters from “team,” now can you?

3) Ransom Note Typography strives to open new markets and garner as many new readers as possible while still maintaing our high standards.

Why can’t I be dooce or kottke, too? And don’t say it’s because they have talent and I’m basically a hack. That’s been said to me a million times already, OK? And for the love of all that is holy, will someone please click on those goofy ad things over there? I have a kid in college now! Come on!

4) Ransom Note Typography will never stoop to being evil, merely for a piece of your page views.

Submit this to Digg! Reddit! StumbleUpon! Please, pretty please on a bacon flavored cherry lollipop, tell all your friends and family members about me! Subscribe in a feed reader! I’m pathetic and emotionally needy and desperate for the attention and validation of strangers on the Internet! The therapy isn’t helping!

5) Ransom Note Typography is “kid friendly” and will never go blue and seek the cheap laughs of comedic vulgarity.

Shit, we’d never do that.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.