Thursday, November 13, 2008

Partners

“You OK? You look tense. Are you ready for this?”

“OK. I can do this. I am ready. I’m prepared. Why am I so nervous, though? I’ve done this before. Gah! But I think I’m going to die. My chest feels tight. I can’t breathe. Oh man, I’m dizzy all of a sudden. I need to sit down for a minute.”

“That just means the medicine is working!”

“What?”

“It means the medicine is starting to work.”

“Medicine? What medicine? I haven’t taken anything!”

“I slipped a little something into your beverage there. You should feel tranquil and mellow and ready for anything. Any minute now. And if you start seeing floaters or tracers or the lamps get all wiggly, I put in the wrong stuff, but I’m pretty sure I gave you the relax-y stuff.”

“What?! Why did you do that? This is possibly the most important presentation of my life! Our lives. We need them to sign the contracts! You drugged me? No wonder I can’t stand up.”

“‘I drugged you.’ Jeez. You make it sound like I’ve poisoned you. Lighten up. It was just one pill. You are such a drama mama sometimes. I know how nervous you get for these things. I just wanted to help you get a little more calm.”

“By doping me into insensibility?”

“No! Of course not. Though you may feel a bit light headed. And try to walk sideways. And think dogs can talk. For a little while. No big deal. That part will wear off by the time we get to the meeting. Probably. How much do you weigh? You know what? Never mind. You’ll be feeling great when we get over there. Primed and loose and ready to close the deal! You’re the MAN!”

“My lips are going numb.”

“Hm. I seriously doubt that.”

“Dey ar num, I’b delling dew! I can’b feeb my dongue eider!”

“You have got to relax. Take a deep breath. There is no way your face is going numb. There. You felt that slap, didn’t you? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Ow! Your hands are in your pockets.”

“See! You’re fine. Totally fine.”

“What did you put in my drink?”

“Nothing.”

“You didn’t drug me?”

“No, of course not. That would be unethical. And considering what I have in my medicine cabinet, highly illegal.”

“So there wasn’t anything in my Diet Coke?”

“Nope. Just all the normal chemicals that are usually in a Diet Coke. But don’t you feel better now? Relieved? Maybe, dare I say it… more relaxed?”

“Do I look relaxed now?”

“No, not at all. You look like at any second like you might split open and bats will start flying out of you.”

“Right.”

“Giant bats. Hairy flying rats, cascading out of your torso. Dripping a filthy mixture of blood and saliva from their deadly sharp fangs.”

“Thanks for that.”

“You know, I think you need a special permit to keep exotic pets like bats within the city limits. You don’t have a permit, do you? You could get arrested for that. Unlicensed bat keeping and because in about 10 minutes you are going to be stoned to the gills. You may also think you have gills.”

“You did put something in my drink, didn’t you?”

“Maybe. Let’s just say that half the fun of this meeting is going to be watching you try not to swallow your chin. Come on. They are already sold. This thing is just a formality. It’s going to be a cakewalk. Let’s go.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

Jon scribbled this mess on 11/13/08 at 01:56 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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