Monday, February 19, 2007

Overheard While Playing Candyland Last Night

“Curse You, Grandma Peanut!”
“Double Purple! YES! IN YOUR FACE!”
“No, I’m the green guy! If you touch my dude again, I will kill you.”
“I saw you move your guy, you cheater! I’m going to cut your fingers off you if you do that again.”
“Lose a turn! You are a LOSER, you big losing, lose-y McLoser face with all the LOSING.”
“IT’S YOUR TURN, WILL YOU PICK A CARD, ALREADY!”
“Stop taunting him, isn’t it bad enough that he’s a loser?” Turn to look at the boy in question, “Right, loser?”
“Yes! Yes! “YES! I am the winner!” (this had an accompanying victory dance. There was much booty wagging as well.)

Remember, it’s not a night of fun at the Deal Family Compound until three of the following criteria have been met:

Tears
At least two separate people shouting, “YOU SUCK!”
Bloodshed (bonus if this happens while people are trying to pick their tokens before the game commences)
Accusations of cheating
Cards thrown in anger and/or disgust
Verbal taunting of the loser(s)
Promises “to NEVER to play with you again!”

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Partners
• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2010 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.