Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Beware the WLF

Reha and I were driving near a park last night and we saw what looked like million tiny feathers billowing and swirling around in the summer evening breeze.

R: Wow, look at that. What do you think that stuff is?

J: Hm. No idea. Looks like feathers. There is a duck pond right over there.

R: That’s a lot of feathers. Seems like far too many. I think it’s just petals from a dogwood tree or some other flowering tree.

J: Maybe a duck exploded.

R: What?!

J: Oh sure. Ducks can spontaneously combust, you know. Happens all the time.

R: …

J: You look skeptical, but this one time, I went camping and I was just calmly and normally feeding the ducks some bread scraps and I saw this duck get out of the water, walk toward me and then it just exploded. You never saw so many feathers in your whole life. They got everywhere, too. I was spitting feathers out of my mouth for about a week after that. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t so spontaneous. Maybe it was a terrorist act. A suicide duck. And you know how geese have it in for me. Ever since that one time last fall when those canadian geese overheard me pointing out that their “flying V” formation was lopsided and looked more like an upside down check mark. I’m telling you, we should go home right now and watch the news and see if there are any reports of water fowl terrorist groups taking credit and responsibility for what must have been a heinous and horrible act of violence. Seriously, you don’t hear a lot about it on the news, because of how the mainstream media has been completely co-opted by bird watchers, but the Waterfowl Liberation Front (the WLF for short) is very active around here.

R: I knew getting ice cream and allowing your sugar levels to increase was a bad idea.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Partners
• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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