Friday, October 21, 2005

Oh snip!

I’ve got medical stuff on the brain right now, so I might as well share this little gem.

A couple years ago Re and I decided that we were ready to be done having kids. There were other things that we may have also been done with, which are stories for another time, but we were dang sure that her getting pregnant should never be on the agenda again. Since permanent birth control is a MUCH less involved process on a man, we decided to get me snipped.

It wasn’t that bad a procedure. The shot they use to numb you in your nether regions is quite uncomfortable and way too much of my very private parts turned purple, but it’s not that bad. The strabismus correction was much more unpleasant. The unsightly and fiery magenta/purple color faded after a couple of days, but it was still a bit disconcerting. And having hair regrow “down there” wasn’t great either, but it’s all fine now. And, having your vas defrens yanked outside your body isn’t a walk in the park, either. It’s like those little tubules are not only attached to your prostate, but also all the way up to your liver. I swear when he pulled them out with that little hook doo-dad, I could feel it from my toes to my adam’s apple.

Less invasive, hell!

Anyway, I was just thinking about the procedure and at the end, the doc was pretty much done, sutures were in, blood mostly cleaned up and gauze was lying there on the “damage.” He then told me, “I want you to grab this gauze and squeeze. It has your scrotum in between there. Squeeze hard since this will help stop the bleeding. It won’t hurt at all since you are still numb.”

Or something like that.

And then he said good-bye and went out to do whatever he does after a snipping.

Unfortunately, I did not have the presence of mind to say what came to me later. “You mean, notwithstanding the fact that I am paying you (well, my insurance company will be paying whenever they get around to it), and you are specially trained and everything, *I* have to squeeze my own scrotum to abate the bleeding? You’re joking, right?”

Though now, in retrospect, I guess I’d rather do the squeezing instead of him or worse, the female nurse who was there apply pressure.

I mean, maybe messing around with scrotums and urethras would make it so I wouldn’t want to squeeze one, either. I don’t know, it just struck me as far too “do it yourself.”

Needless to say, there is no comparable gallery for this procedure so don’t go looking for one.

Jon scribbled this mess on 10/21/05 at 06:51 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Twitter

    Favorite Entries

    If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

     

    Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

     

    Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?


    ©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.