Monday, February 05, 2007

Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout

I picked up Microsoft Vista a couple of days ago and after playing with the new OS for a while, I’m ready to throw down and give my honest un-biased assessment. Yes, I know, it’ll be tough since I’ve been a Mac user since the Jobs pulled the damn thing out of a bag at the introduction at the Flint Center a million years ago, but y’all know me, I’m a saint!

Wait, come back! You haven’t even read the thing yet!

Fine.

OK, here we go anyway.


Ease of installation:

Vista: Didn’t install it, because I was too mesmerized by the security hologram on the disc. It’s hypnotically lovely. So pretty!

OS X: Black disc. Big X. BORING!

Advantage: Vista (he says in a hypnotized, zombie-like way)


Initial set-up:

Vista: Again, I didn’t install the OS, so I’m just guessing here, but it seems to me from everything I’ve read that it installs pretty easily. You have to have a decent rig and a potent video card and probably a crap load more RAM then you have on hand (basically a whole new computer), but these are minor details, obviously.

OS X: It was on the machine when I opened the box.

Advantage: Vista (I got to wave the install disc around some more. Shiny!)


Compatibility:

Vista: After setting up the machine, I noticed that the dog had gone missing and the PC burped and it smelled like semi-digested kibble. Vista ate the dog.

OS X: No pets were killed.

Advantage: Vista. That dog has been pissing me off lately so I’m glad it’s gone.


Included Applications:

Vista: Includes a bunch of stuff that quacks like iLife for OS X (Movie Maker, a Photo Galley thing, etc.). Outlook is morphed into Windows Mail and there are “gadgets” that act suspiciously like Exposé on OS X. I fired up the Photo Gallery app and I immediately broke out into hives and it was like my skin was on fire and I began scratching myself until I bled from every pore. I have no outer skin layer now and I am a blubbering mass of oozing puss.

OS X: No hives.

Advantage: Vista. I look GREAT without skin! How did MSFT know I’d look better? Geniuses those boys and girls in Redmond are.


Security:

Vista: Vista introduces User Account Control which seems to pop up every time you move the mouse over an icon and asks “Are you sure about that, bub? This thing could KILL YOU!” Vista also introduces something called “Spy Sweeper” and let me tell you, it’s a BORING game. They should bring back Minesweeper. It’s way more fun to play.

OS X: Damn thing just sits there and waits for me to do something. I do something, like, oh, I don’t know, open an app, and the application just opens. No warnings! No windows blinding me from everywhere! I actually have to get to work and stuff. Totally bogus.

Advantage: Vista. No one wants me to be productive. Trust me on this.


Networking:

Vista: Wizards and helpers and this little dude named “Clint” helped me connect to a local file server and get the wireless setup working with ease.

OS X: No Clint. Though in OS X’s defense, it all kind of worked out of the box without too much fuss and my friend Clint “Über-nerd” Hastings didn’t have to stand there and hold my hand throughout the entire set up.

Advantage: Vista, but your mileage may vary because you don’t know Clint and probably won’t pay him to help you set up the thing like I did. And I’m sorry, Clint, but you are kind of short.


Overall Ease of Use and Look and Feel and Crap like That:

Vista: If you keep the very pretty install disc right next to the screen and glance at it every now and then LIKE THE VOICES TELL YOU TO DO, you’ll love Vista. It’s a solid upgrade to XP and everyone should sell a kidney to get one of the fourteen thousand versions (Basic, Home, Home Premium, Dinosaur, Vegan, Ultimate, Business, Tapered, Cufffed, Puffy and Mango-flavored)

OS X: Only use if you want to keep your dog and feel that getting stuff done is more important than clicking on dialog boxes.

Final Standings:

Vista: 10
OS X: 0

I know there were only seven categories, but Vista gets EXTRA points, because of THE VOICES and all. I’ll be moving all my friends and neighbors and people I see on the street over to Vista! I’m enthralled with the OS, just like I used to be about the Mac. Vista: It’s not a religion, it’s a way of life.

You will all be assimilated.

Jon scribbled this mess on 02/05/07 at 01:11 PM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post Favorite Entries. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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