Monday, September 11, 2006

Mass E-mail to Everyone I Work With

Dear everyone:

Last night while working on the XXXXXX PowerPoint presentation [name removed to protect somewhat my über-secret work identity, heh], I found myself alone and very, very hungry. Since it was Sunday night I didn’t feel like I had a whole lot of options as far as feeding myself. Downtown Salt Lake on a Sunday evening is not a hot bed of dining and eating opportunities, you know. And I was VERY tired of eating Wheat Thins, licorice and peanut M&Ms that [my employer] so generously provides.

So I searched and scrounged for real food and in the freezer found two Lean Pockets, one Cheeseburger and one Chicken Parmesan. Many people will debate whether these constituted real food, but it was either the Lean Pockets or Christian’s leftover b-day cake from over a week ago. That became a pretty easy choice after inspecting the cake and seeing that it had become hairier that one would usually want a cake to be. So I chose to dive into the Lean Pocket dilemma: First, I know that I do not own any Lean Pockets, nor have I placed anything in the freezer for safe-keeping; second, it’s Lean Pockets and I’ve never had good gastric experiences with them; third, I’d have to choose between one of those two “enzyme modified cheddar cheese” filled monstrosities and that was going to be pretty darn hard.

So I cooked the Cheeseburger Lean Pocket (two minutes on HIGH) and sat back to enjoy my somewhat ill-gotten feast. I took one bite and immediately spit it back out. Who at Nestle HQ (the fabulous makers of the Lean Pocket brand stuffed sandwich) decided that it was a good idea to put mustard in those little boogers? SOME PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE MUSTARD, YOU GOOBERS!

I’d be one of those people, by the way.

Anyway, so there I sat, foul tasting Cheeseburger (with mustard built right in, YUCK!) in my gullet and I was still hungry. Obviously. So I had to cook the other pocket shaped food, the Chicken Parmesan Lean Pocket. It was a moral imperative, obviously. Plus, I was *really* hungry. The smell of the Cheeseburger Lean Pocket was ever so tempting, even though the actual implementation left something to be desired.

So last night I ate *someone’s* Chicken Parmesan Lean Pocket and cooked, tasted and eventually tossed into the garbage a Cheesburger Lean Pocket. Though really think I did the putative owner of the Cheeseburger Lean Pocket a favor. It was filled with mustard after all and no one really likes mustard. People just put up with mustard, I think. They just don’t know any better.

Please let me know to whom I should send reimbursement for my ill-gotten Sunday dinner.

Oh, and I drank someone’s Mountain Dew, but I’m pretty sure that belonged to T.

Thanks and xoxoxoxo,
jon

Jon scribbled this mess on 09/11/06 at 12:06 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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