Monday, January 28, 2008
Kidding, but Only Barely
I am sitting at the bar in the kitchen, eating a lovely and well deserved turkey and swiss sandwich.
Ellis: Daddy, make me a sandwich.
Me: Um, I don’t really respond that well to being ordered around, Ellis. You need to ask nicely.
Ellis, looking STRAIGHT into my face: You are dumb.
Me: Pretty sure if I’m dumb, then I’m too dumb to make you a sandwich.
Ellis: Oh! You aren’t that dumb. You know how to make me a sandwich!
You will please excuse me now, I’m off to create an eBay account to sell this kid off:
Small, cute caucasian 4 year old. One owner. Low miles. Potty trained. Knows how to count to 100, though she’s a little “iffy” in the 60s. Can read very short sentences. Mouthy in the extreme, buyer beware.
NO RESERVE!!!!
Favorite Entries
If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.
- From the Office of Mis-directed Email
- Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
- Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
- A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
- We Regret the Error
- What I Did There
- Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
- Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
- Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
- I Need a Real Hobby
- Beat Down
- Big Fat Lies
- True Love
- Now MY Ovaries Hurt
- Don’t Get Her Started
- Disturbing Trend
- Had to do it
- Mooshy stuff
- Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
- Diva-licious!
- Just so we’re clear
- PETA may have a point
Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!
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Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?
©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.