Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I Kinda Suck as a Guest Poster

There are reasons why people don’t ask me to guest post on their blogs.

A) I send them my post and then forget to link to the guest post from my site. This is kinda unforgivable in the blog-ity world, which as well all know is fueled by links, Red Bull and longing.

B) I ask, “what should I write about?” and the guest posting requesting blogger says, “Just be yourself, it’ll be great!” which sends me into a spiral of self-doubt, shame and self-loathing such that I can only calm down after eating an entire tub of cookie dough ice cream, a whole package of Twizzlers, hours of aimless “procrasti-surfing” on Wikipedia, YouTube or Hulu and then puking for days. (I do this instead of regular therapy and it’s proven to be the least healthy and effective thing I’ve ever done in my life. I should stop doing that.)

C) People rarely ask me. (This is probably the largest reason, if I had to be honest with myself, I suppose.)

Anyway, I’m a bad blog citizen (and a bad husband and father and generally a bad person and oh hell, WHERE IS THE ICE CREAM? WE ARE OUT! I HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE, be right back), but I’m rectifying that now. Many of you are probably landing here at Ransom Note Typography HQ from here, where I spewed a little thing the other night. Brenda is a peach.

And though you will wonder why after you read it, you might also be interested in a post I scribbled in crayon over at my good (and patient) friend Loralee‘s site. It’s about BlogHer 08, so it’s about 1400 years old in “web time.” (i.e., last month). Loralee, over my not terribly strident objections has convinced me that I simply must go to BlogHer next year, which I’ll probably do. I’ll be one of the twelve guys in a crowd of 1000 women, wondering exactly what I’ve gotten myself into. And trying not to be “creepy bearded guy” and instead be “non-threatening, cuddly beard guy.”

I have a year or so to work on that.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.