Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Am Obama’s V.P. Candidate

Well, I should be.

Here are my qualifications:

In the run up to the General Election, I will bring the insanely valuable, effete, Prius loving, white, middle class male demographic out in droves.

I know how to cast tie breaking votes in the Senate.

I can cry on demand at state funerals for foreign dignitaries.

All the scandalous stuff I’ve ever done is detailed here on my site. (Except the thing about the puppies. That goes with me to my grave.)

The beard. I can go either way. Though most people agree, I look marginally better with a beard. But if you say, “Shave it, Jon-boy and come help me run the country!” I can get on board with that. No problem.

My wife is awesome. And we have photogenically cute and smart kids. (And I’d be very curious to see how the Secret Service would handle Ellis, she already has her Secret Service code name picked out: “Princess Poopy Pink Pants” (OK, I picked it that one, but she’d be down with “Princess"))

If Obama is elected and something should happen, I’m totally ready to shirk my duties like our current president. I promise to take even MORE vacations that GWB.

I’m pretty much bald and that brings GRAVITAS. Also shows that I am not beholden to the hair care industry. “I will accept no ‘product’ during this campaign.”

“Change we can believe in” is not just a slogan with me. I’ve had FOUR kids in diapers. I know all about Change.


Posting will be a little light for the next little while. I have some huge projects going on right now. Plus, our oldest, Carrie, leaves for college in exactly a week. So I have a lot of weeping sessions built into my schedule between now and then. You have to pace yourself with those. Too much crying at the beginning and you’ll get dehydrated.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.