Friday, May 25, 2007

How to Potty Train a Kid

A friend of mine and his delightful wife are currently starting to potty train their daughter. I’m sure at some point the whole internet will get the inside scoop on how it is going and I’m also sure that Heather’s account will leave the rest of us in puddles of tears from the laughter. Then we’ll probably get the real story from Jon. :-]

Anyway, since I have successfully negotiated the diaper to underwear transition for all nine of my children, he asked and I offered him a few tips the other day. And I’d like to share them with you. And yes, I was the one who did all the potty training at the Deal Family Compound. Reha had nothing to do with it.

Not true in the slightest way, but this is my site; she wants to tell her side, she can get herself to GoDaddy and get her own site.

We did read a book on how to do “properly” potty train a kid, but I’m pretty sure none of those techniques worked at all. Our kids are stubborn and goofy and can see through “book learnin’ crap” [no pun intended] in a heartbeat.

First off, how do you know the little guy/gal is ready to step up to big person undies?

Is she dry when she wakes up? You pick her up from the crib and the diaper isn’t totally soaked. That a very good sign that she can handle it. Also, if she tells you soon after she’s “laid some brown pipe” that she needs to be changed, that’s a good sign as well.

The trick really, is getting the kid to recognize the cause and effect of needing to evacuate and what happens when he lets the sphincter muscles fly. It’s like a switch in them, I think. Suddenly they realize that they have some control of what’s happening in their southern hemisphere.

Also, if possible, I highly recommend that you being training in the summer months so the kid can wear as little clothing as possible. You do NOT want clothes getting between them and getting to the toilet.

And speaking of toilets, get the child their own little potty thing. This helps for a few reasons. One, the kid recognizes it as HERS. It’s her possession. It’s also portable, which I will say more about later. And, many kids can be a-scared of the GIANT SWIRLY monster that is the modern toilet.

Seriously, as a kid, I remember some apartment I lived in had the LOUDEST and SWIRLIEST toilets ever made. You’d press on the lever and there’d be a huge “PHOOOOSH!” and water would pour into the bowl like Niagra Falls. Those things scared me so bad. I was petrified to use them. Horrifying. I used to sneak over to a friend’s house to do my business. Or just wait and do my deeds at school in between Calculus and English. Ahh… high school memories.

So the personal potty is a must. I recommend against a device that fits over a normal toilet. It needs to be a portable thing. They need to have instant access to it when nature calls and not have to run down the hall or whatever. You don’t need anything anything fancy, really. It’s basically a pot with a seat after all. But take the kid shopping for it. Maybe let him decorate it with stickers or paint the thing. You are trying to get them comfortable on it, after all. Also, try and get the child in the habit of carrying it around with her. She walks in the kitchen and you say, “Hey! Where’s your potty? Let’s get it!” Hopefully they can get on board and it’ll be like a favorite toy. Or at least a favorite chair. Lucas used to sit on his and watch movies all the time.

Let’s talk about clothes for a moment. Don’t need ‘em. We generally had a “nudity is beautiful” policy while training was going on. None of our kids had a problem with this. Your mileage may vary. But you don’t want a lot of buttons and snaps and doo-hickeys between the child and the potty. Sun-dresses work great for girls and boys are usually OK with elastic waisted pants.

Which brings us to skivvies. It seems to me that great technological leaps have been made in diaper/training pants designs. They have the ability to soak up the liquid, but at the same time, irritate the child so they don’t like being wet. It’s like magic or something. The other nice thing is that those transition diapers/training pants are über-easy to get into. They rip off like nobody’s business. I remember playing “chase” with Jonah and grabbing at him and coming up with nothing but diaper and his little nekkid booty was “whooshing” down the hallway. We had great luck in convincing our brood that big boy/girl undies were a worthy reward. (Kids are gullible). Try to show the child the difference between the training pants and the undies. “See how cool these are? They have princesses!”

Which reminds me, take the child shopping for her undies. Helps to get them in the potty frame of mind. But use the undies as a reward. “Go in the potty and then you can wear these!” Depending on how cool the underwear, this can be a huge motivation. Spare no expense. But stay away from panties with sequins. Those chaffs. Found that out the hard way, I did. I have scars from the rash.

And you are going to have to get used to saying to the kidlet, “Do you need to go potty?” A LOT. Since the kid is probably in the 2-4 range, be prepared for them to lie like a rug ALL THE TIME. You won’t believe how many times you’ll ask THE QUESTION, the little angel says “Nope” and then pees all over your imported Persian rug. Try subtle/firm suggestions like, “How about you sit on the potty and try to go for TWO minutes?” In my opinion small rewards merely for sitting are reasonable, especially at the beginning stages.

Since the little cretin doll is dry when he gets up, they are going to need to go. Soon. Now is the time to plop that little guy on the potty and DON’T LET HIM GET UP until he does his thing. I’m not talking duct tape or super glue, but park the potty in front of his favorite show. Sit there and read him a book. Feed him breakfast, as gross as that sounds to eat while evacuating (yuck!). But he should sit there until something happens. And his little body should co-operate. Now if he’s being a persnickety three year old and being stubborn, now is the time to pour on the parental charm. Bribery. Trips to the zoo. Toys. Whatever.

Assuming that she goes, launch fireworks and throw a parade. When Carrie (now almost 17) did her thing for the first time, we called everyone we knew and let her tell them the good news. Corny, but the kid was into it and she should be proud of herself, right? Healthy bit of self-esteem never hurt anyone.

Now if you have a whippersnapper who isn’t always dry in the AM, try waking the kid earlier. Most of the time, they have an “accident” while they are first waking. But if you can snatch them before that happens and get them in the habit of going first thing after they get up, it seems to help. Set an alarm and wake them. I know this is a REALLY hard thing, because for us at least, anytime the kids are asleep is precious time, when we could be sleeping, for example. But hopefully they’ll get in the habit soon enough.

What about the stubborn pee-er/pooper?

Whenever you go, bring the munchkin and his potty into the bathroom with you. “Mommy’s going in her potty [the big scary swirly monster of DOOM!], come on in and try to go!” Most kids like to imitate their parents, which is why most of our kids have nasty online gambling habits, but that’s a whole ‘nother story for ‘nother time.

Running the water a wee trickle can sometimes coax a shy bladder into action. Works for me EVERY TIME. Was just thinking about a babbling brook right now and I had to make a small pit stop.

This is an old trick and it never worked on our kids, but while the kid is sitting on the potty, dribble a bit of water (warm) on their inner thigh. It’s like priming the carburetor or something.

Actually it worked a little too well. I was sitting on the throne one day and Ellis barged in and poured a cup of water on me. “To help you pee, Daddy!” Yeah, thanks, I’m not the one with the problem, babe.

Grab the potty and go outside as much as you can. No real trick, but it saves your furniture and flooring from the inevitable accidents.

As I recall, it took about a week or so for each of our kids to begin to get the hang of it. As a parent, treat that week of training a bit like a full time job. (As if raising a child wasn’t already essentially a full time job). Sadly, your every thought will be about the state of your little angel’s bladder. You’ll be obsessed and loving and supportive and with a little luck the child’s evacuation systems will cooperate.

We bribed the little weenies SHAMELESSLY during this period. Jonah for example, loved those little puffy cars from Chevron. Every time he went in the potty, he got one of those. I bet we spent $15,000 on those little cars. Totally worth it. Still paying off that Chevron gas/credit card.

Most importantly, you, the parental unit, MUST relax. Odds are very high the child will get the hang of it pretty quickly. You’ll have some accidents. Hell, I still do! But whatever you do, try NOT to introduce stress into the situation. Kids can sense that and their little sphincters tighten up in direct proportion to your stress level, in my opinion. I don’t know about permanent psychological damage from Nazi-esque potty training, but you probably don’t want to find out, either.

We didn’t figure this out until later kids, but NO DRINKS just before bed. You want to take a round or two out of the chamber. Better chance to be dry when he wakes up if he didn’t down a liter of apple juice before bed.

And you probably know this already, but praise like crazy for successes. The smallest drop of urine is cause for celebration. woohoo!

Let’s recap:

GOOD LUCK!

Anyone else have any tips or tricks or suggestions? Get thee to the comments!

Jon scribbled this mess on 05/25/07 at 12:10 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Twitter

    Favorite Entries

    If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

     

    Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

     

    Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?


    ©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.