Thursday, February 22, 2007

Groundbreaking Research at Ransom Note Typography HQ

In a continuing effort to scam receive government grants, we have started the Ransom Note Typography Research Lab.

Our first foray into Big Question Answer Finding Out er… stuff:

Which Household Items Will Conduct Electricity?

Yes, Intarweb people, it’s Science Fair time in the third grade. A time of great fear and loathing for many area parents. It’s that time when a kid pops up after dinner and says, “I have a Science Fair project due tomorrow” and you as the parent have to throw something together on mold or spores or house paint using only toothpicks and used dryer sheets before morning.

But not this year! Our boy Jonah was on top of that stuff. He brought home all the materials and decided what he wanted to do weeks ago. What’s up with that? I think he’s gunning for something… like a present or something.

Currently, he is fascinated by electricity, in much the same way that his older brother was/is drawn to fire/explosions/mass destruction.

I’m more than a little worried about this trend.

Anyway, though some us did have to sneak into work late at night to use precious company resources (i.e., the color copier), we managed to pull the whole thing off pretty well.

Turns out:

Aluminum foil conducts electricity quite well.

While a dish rag… not so much:

Now, where is my grant money check? Look, I know it’s not curing cancer, but come on, did YOU know that about dishcloths?

Didn’t think so.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.