Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Flame War 2007

There have been many great “wars” conducted on the Internet.

Most of these so-called “wars” are really just glorified shouting matches as people, hiding behind the anonymity the web grants them, resort to feckless name-calling, with no real substance behind their arguments. Go visit almost any gaming forum and ask, “Which console should I buy?” and watch the chaos ensue. Any sort of Flame War is code for “Lame War” in my opinion, but I’m old and jaded, so my opinion has probably ceased to matter.

Jonah, all of 9, has figured out the Next Great Flame War:

Pop-Tarts vs. Toster Strudels

He is a devotee of the Toaster Strudel, firmly entrenched in the Camp of Pilsbury and WILL NOT pollute his palette with the stigma of putting a Pop Tart in his mouth. It’s just beneath his dignity and he will have no part of the Pop Tart. Not even the sparkly kind! He truly loathes Pop Tarts.

Which is fine, we are trying to fatten him up (for our tasty kid-themed Thanksgiving Dinner this year!), and he and his chronically short and under-weight older brother are the only people in the house who are “allowed” to eat things like liped-laden breakfast pastries. The rest of us (well, OK, me), merely sneak them as a mid-morning, early afternoon or late night snacks. (Yes, I am having a problem staying away from “bad” food and I’m not running right now and I’ve gained 426 pounds in the last two weeks, but that’s not the point.)

The point, and I swear, I do have a point, is that the boy said this to me as I dropped him off at school this morning:

“Dad, the Pop Tart people and the Toaster Strudel people must HATE each other. The Toaster Strudel people should totally win. Don’t you think?”

“Um, sure, bud, whatever, I’m on your side, ‘Death to the Pop Tart People!’ They are a scourge on our great nation! All Hail the Strudel!”

It’s fun to say “strudel.”

I have no idea where he gets this competitive, win at all costs streak. Reha is probably the most laid back, non-competitive person you’ll ever meet. Except when she’s doing her lawyer gig, and if you are on the other side she’ll rip your face off, metaphorically speaking, but she’s generally one of those “we should all win! Let’s just have fun together” hand-holding around the campfire, and Kum-By-Yah singing folks. And though I’m rabidly partisan, I live in the most conservative state in the Union, so my issues and candidates always lose and am thus resigned to never winning anything. And I don’t follow sports, so there isn’t a lot of screaming at the TV while the Sox blow a lead off of Jeter’s 3 run homer in the 8th. And while I’m a big giant blubbering Mac fan-boi, I’ve pretty much resigned myself to losing that battle as well, as we now have a stupid, slow as molasses Dell laptop in our stable of thinking machines. It’s just a tool, people, use whatever you want, but don’t make fun of my Mac purchases, OK? (Yes, I did have a blueberry iMac, you wanna fight about it?)

But I digress, as usual.

All our other kids pretty much take after their relatively laid back parents, and just kind of go with the flow of things. Carrie, for example, is fundamentally a bleeding-heart socialist, but she’s just rolls her eyes at most political issues right now. Lucas has never really taken sides on any issue, except to wonder aloud “why we can’t get an Xbox 360, PS3 AND a Wii” and Ellis, while she is quite vocal in expressing her opinions, her issues are not broad in nature. She just squawks if you move/touch/glance at one of her “babies” improperly, don’t genuflect to her greatness in a timely manner or do anything she doesn’t want you to do. You can even breath wrong as far as she’s concerned, so she’s a special case.

Kids are weird, that’s all I’m saying.

Jon scribbled this mess on 09/18/07 at 11:09 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

Twitter

    Favorite Entries

    If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

     

    Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

     

    Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?


    ©2005-2010 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.