Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Fall Fashion Guide

Fall is here!

Yes, I know Fall “officially” started a little while ago, but I’ve been swamped, so back off, man.

First off, it was an exciting summer in Fashion here at Ransom Note Typography HQ. I bought two pairs of shorts. I wore them out in public. No one died after basking in the glow of my pasty white calves. It was glorious.

Second, I subscribe to a personalized “Fashion Do’s and Don’ts” newsletter. Every season I get an update on what I should and shouldn’t be wearing. Some tips are specific to me, but there’s a lot of good info in there! The least I could do is share with you.

• Sweater vests—Still out. We don’t expect a serious comeback of the sweater vest until Michael J. Fox revisits his Alex P. Keating role from Family Ties. Best not to try and pull off the “sweater vest look” man. You aren’t nearly dorky enough. Plus, you’d have to start wearing bow ties again, and that’s also a bad move.


• Corduroy Pants—Acceptable in limited use. Also, we’ve seen reports of severe burns and/or rashes from overheating as people in cords walk down the street. People! If you are going to wear cords, know the limits and friction ratios of your inner thighs. BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!


• Argyle Socks—Fine, but again. MODERATION is the key. And stay away from argyle with purple in it (even as an accent color). You just look ridiculous.


• Tweed—Good to go, but only if you plan on actually finishing that Ph.D. in Comparative Literature this year.


• Leather—Never again. Especially not chaps. The mental picture alone is sickening.


• Black tee shirts with funny slogans/art/band names—Never went out of style! Except that “Keep on Truckin’!” shirt. Burn that.


• Jeans with holes in them—Grow up man! You are 41 years old! You have a job, go buy a couple new pairs, for the love of Levi Strauss on a gingerbread house.


• Sweaters—Marginally OK. Make sure they aren’t “Cosby” sweaters and you should be fine. Though last time we peeked in your closet, all we saw were multi-colored monstrosities, so you might need to go shopping. Stick to solid colors. No patterns or textures or you’ll get in trouble like that one year with the “frills and tassels” fiasco. No one wants to see that happen again.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.