Thursday, April 24, 2008

Emotional Baggage Carousel

[Today’s Special Guest Poster is my Inner Child. Note: my Inner Child talks *very* fast, has poor grammar and the attention span of a gnat. Not that different than my usual fare, I suppose.]

Hi!

What’s up, chicken butt?

Ha! Ha!

I mean, what’s up, Internet?!

OK, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say here, but they say you should always start off with a joke.

OK, here we go!

It’s a dirty joke. Am I allowed to tell dirty jokes? OK, it’s not really a DIRTY joke, but it is REALLY funny. Well, it’s dirty, but it doesn’t have swear words. Is that OK? Are you sure? I don’t want to get in trouble or anything. Remember that one time I said the “s” word kind of loud in Mrs. Hennessy’s class and everyone turned around and stared at me, but I didn’t know it was a bad word and then I had to go to the vice principal’s office and he made me stay after school and pound erasers clean on the red brick wall outside? That wasn’t very fun at all and I got chalk dust all over me and I had a coughing fit because of all the dust and then when I got home I got I trouble all over again for getting in trouble in the first place and then even more trouble when I wouldn’t say WHY I got in trouble at school, since I’d get in even more trouble for saying the “s” word?

OK, I’m going to tell my dirty joke now. Are you ready? Because you are going to DIE from laughing!

“How did the white horse get turned black?”

Hold on, I have to pee. I’ll be right back.

Hey! I’m back! The bathroom is kind of scary. The toilet is REALLY LOUD when it flushes. And the swirly it makes is SUPER strong and I thought maybe I was going to be sucked down into the vortex. Where does that go anyway?  think it goes into the sewer where the alligators live. I didn’t want to touch the seat, but I ended up having to go #2 so I had to sit. Do you think I’ll catch any diseases from sitting on that thing? Plus, my tooshie got splashed when I went and that’s really gross. I HATE it when that happens. I think the swirly thing tries to reach out and grab me and that’s why I run away really fast after I flush. You do that, too, right?

Where was I?

Oh! My joke! It’s really funny! Let me start again.

“How did the white dog get turned black?”

I know! I changed it to a dog from a horse, but it makes a LOT more sense as a dog instead of a horse. I’m allergic to dogs. And horses, too. We got me a puppy when Mom and Dad got a divorce, but no one knew I was allergic to dogs when we got the dog and since I’m allergic and the dog slept in my bed with me, I ended up scratching myself red and bloody. That wasn’t any fun, and my eyes got all runny and swollen, too, and then the puppy had to go away. I wasn’t really sad when the dog went away because even though it was really cute, I think I wanted to die after a couple hours.

Where was I?

Oh! The joke. It’s really funny! And dirty! It’s a dirty joke!

“How did the white dog get turned black?”

“He fell into a mud puddle!”

HA! HA! Get it!? The dog was white and then fell into a mud puddle and got all dirty! That’s why it’s a dirty joke!

Why aren’t you laughing? It’s funny!

Jon scribbled this mess on 04/24/08 at 10:21 AM, best we can tell it fits in the category of Regular Post. This many folks had something to say about that, The permanent home of this entry is here: Link

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