Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Election Reform

MTV is once again rolling out its “Rock the Vote” campaign.

I assume. I programmed our TV remote to skip over MTV ever since they stopped playing music and became whatever it is they are these days.

Since I’m a bit older these days and mellower I’m wondering when someone is going to roll out a “Smooth Jazz the Vote” for my demographic.

The challenger candidate for Salt Lake County Commissioner stopped by our house on Saturday. We had a pleasant conversation. Most of Utah has moved to electronic voting machines. Diebold, of course. So did I mention that Princeton researchers had shown that a Diebold voting machine can be hacked in less than a minute? Yes, I did, my friends, yes, I did. Bottom line, we are stuck with these things. And a ton of other places are stuck with them as well.

My only conciliation is that since everyone knows that we Democrats are all evil, have no morals and will stop at nothing to ruin this country. So odds are in our favor that we Dems have all the hackers on our side.

Other rejected “get out the vote” catchy slogans:

• Vote! You get a Sticker!
• Mambo the Vote!
• Vote or be Horribly Maimed by a Badger! (a slight variation on P. Diddy’s “Vote or Die!” thing)
• Vote! So you can start bitching, FULL TIME!
• Vote! Or We Won’t Stop Runnning Political Ads!
• Vote! We Can’t Screw Things Up Unless We Hear from You! Wait, Scratch That; Vote, Don’t Vote, Doesn’t Matter, We’ll Just Do Whatever We Want No Matter What You Say.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.