Monday, July 23, 2007

Dancing With Myself

Ellis is on her toy cell phone (insert pauses (sometimes lengthy) in between what she says):

“Hi, Dana!”

“No, I can’t come over today.”

“Well, we are in the car. We are taking Jonah to the bus for camp.”

“I know! He gets to go to camp, can you believe it? A whole week!”

“Weeelll, I would go to camp, but I’m going to stay home,”

She covers the toy phone’s microphone area and says in a half whisper, “Mom! Why am I not going to camp?”

“You are a little too young to go to camp, Ellis. If you want, you can go in a couple years.”

She gets back to her conversation.

“I don’t want to go to camp. Jonah wants to go, but I want to stay home and we are going to have a party and you are invited, Dana!”

“I know! It is going to be so much fun! I have my babies and you can bring food and we will have a fun party! And I think Ashen will want to come, too.” (Ashen is another person like Dana, whose existence has been spun out of whole clothe.)

“And then we can go swimming and we will invite David [last name deleted, he’s our next door neighbor and is in his late 40s, but Ellis always likes to insert herself into his life]. He will want to come swimming.”

“I know! I can’t wait!”

“OK, ‘bye, Dana! I’ll see you tomorrow! For the party!”

Annnd… Scene!

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.