Tuesday, January 17, 2006

War on Terror Moves Home Against Peromyscus maniculatus

I’ve written before about how we have a small visitor living among us. We have lots of small people and things in the house, but our newest friend has overstayed his welcome.

Little bastard ate our food.

And peed and pooped on everything. Like he lived here or something. Only registered members of the Deal Family Compound are allowed to defecate at will all over whatever they feel like.

When we got back from visiting my kin in Mississippi, we discovered that our little brown buddy had chewed through just about everything on our bottom shelf, sampling all the goodies down there. I think he liked the oats best. Maybe he thinks he’s getting heart disease or something.

Anyway, last time I was getting non-violent, humane catch and release type traps. They don’t work for squat. Our critter laughs at those things like the current administration laughs off the Constitution. But now that he’s taken the step of crapping all over everything and forcing us to throw out a couple hundred dollars worth of goods and sundries, well, I don’t mind saying, I’m a bit annoyed. And it’s no more Mr. Soft Hearted Liberal Bleeding Heart, Voted for Clinton Even After He Got the Hummer in the Oval Office and Lied about it Guy anymore. So tomorrow I’m getting a bunch of “him or me� kill or be killed traps and that furry little rodent is going to be sorry he ever messed with this bleeding heart’s All Natural Organic Wheat Flour.

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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