Monday, April 07, 2008

The Intern at Work is Not Going to Be Hired On

I sit next to the “intern station” at work.

Makes me a little nutso.

Not just because I can’t remember any of their names.

I don’t want to give the detailed saga of one particular intern, but I do want to share the highlights. He’s gone now and won’t be coming back, so I feel OK about sharing a few salient details.

• He hummed while he listened to his iPod


• Loudly


• And constantly


• My fancy-pants noise canceling headphones, DID NOTHING


• May be a drug dealer. Lots of conversations on his cell that ended with his talking about “taking delivery” and “good stuff, man.”


• Made pattern files in Illustrator that had over 75,000 points and then complained loudly when they wouldn’t print [Trust me, he made INSANELY complicated pieces of art, Photoshop even choked on rasterizing them.]


• An overabundance of flatulence


• I can understand a one time “slip,” but I began to worry about his digestive tract, frankly


• Unplugged the server from the ‘net so he could plug in his laptop


• Sang Rush songs. This was bad a couple levels: A) I like Rush (Shut UP!) and he sullied them, B) his falsetto of Geddy broke my favorite mug.


• Loud conversations on his cell phone with his girlfriend, “Well, just keep trying to shove it in there. It fit last time I used it.” Unclear about “it” and I lived in fear that he’d tell me.


• The “muscle” shirts


• He hoarded toilet paper and I saw him walking out of the studio with a 12 pack stuffed into his bag


• He ate smelly food


• At his desk


• That smell won’t come out of the keyboard now


• Spandex Thursdays


• I’m not even going to go into the kinds of things I found in his workstation’s web history. You know how they say you can find a kink for everything on the web? Yeah, he found them all. Dude, Safari has “Private Browsing” for a reason, man.


• He showed up at my house late one night in a trench coat, scuba gear and a jug of olive oil

I may have made that last one up out of whole cloth.

1. Always good for a laugh, you are. :-)

   Posted by Ara Pehlivanian  on  04/07/08  at  12:55 PM

2. holy cow, that’s funny. Now that he’s gone.

   Posted by Aimee Greeblemonkey  on  04/07/08  at  12:56 PM

3. I wish you’d ask permission before blogging about my exes.

   Posted by Pants  on  04/07/08  at  01:41 PM

4. Clearly you need one of these but for headphones.

   Posted by Jenna  on  04/07/08  at  04:46 PM

5. Sheesh, man.  What a loozah.  Glad there will be no more Rush sullying chez vous.

   Posted by Novembrance  on  04/08/08  at  08:18 AM

6. That guy sounds like a crazy mishmash of characters from “Napoleon Dynamite.”

   Posted by imaginary binky  on  04/09/08  at  02:05 PM

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