Friday, November 11, 2005

Self Deprecation, cont.

I’m no longer cool.

I know many of you would like to disabuse me of the notion that I was ever cool, but let’s just go with the speculation that at some point in the distant past, I was indeed at least marginally cool. Let’s just pass over the evidence to the contrary and call it a “given.” Just this once.

Here’s the main reason I’m no longer cool. There are other reasons, stemming largely from wardrobe choices and I’m sure those will come to light at some point, but I’m just going to touch on this one for now.

Here we go:

I don’t like much of the new “cool” music that’s all the rage these days. Hell, I can’t even pronounce some of the band names. “Yo La Tengo” and “Mogwai” come to mind. And here’s my huge admission that permanently gets me kicked out of where all the cool kids sit for lunch. I never liked Radiohead. Or Air. It all sounds far too pretentious to me.

But criticizing musical taste isn’t what this is about. And besides, arguing over bands and music is pointless and dull. This is about me not being cool. Let’s try and stay focused, OK?

Remember when R.E.M. was cool? Like before they sold out to Warner Bros. and when you couldn’t understand Michael Stipes’ singing? Like “Document”? Or U2 from the “War” or “Boy” albums? And yes, I still say album, mostly because I used to have all that stuff on vinyl.

Anyway, my point, and I do have one, I promise; is that I no longer care one whit about being cool, especially about music. I used to get a huge kick out of teasing deep meaning or understanding or whatever out of whatever new indie, you’ve-never-heard-of-before, band was then spinning on my tape deck. For the record, I know that for most of you, R.E.M., even before the “Shiny Happy People” debacle was pretty mainstream, but let’s not forget that I spent significant portions of my formative years in Mississippi, where they issued Van Halen’s “Diver Down” and “1984” to everyone and if you didn’t listen to “Jump” at least twice a day, you got your ass kicked and were branded a fairy. Anyway, all I’m saying is that I used to enjoy discovering new music and new sounds and new meaning via new bands, and let’s be honest, that small thrill of knowing that you were cooler than anyone else BECAUSE of your taste in the finer auditory pleasures of said new, indie music, but the thrill has gone, my friends. It’s done gone and it ain’t comin’ back.

Anyway, the place where I work is filled to the brim with people who care DEEPLY about new music and all things cool. In a way it’s a part of our business plan. WE ARE COOL and we can make you cool, too, if only you had the foresight to hire us! I am no longer one of them. I’m with them in spirit, but that boat has sailed without me. I totally respect that they are still “with it” (or whatever the kids call it these days, “hip?”, “hep?” “cool"), but it just doesn’t interest me anymore. Though I am quite grateful that they turned me on to Coldplay back before Coldplay became the delicious monster they are now. And The Postal Service and Death Cab for Cutie. Oh, and The Shins. I like them. And some of the Modest Mouse stuff isn’t too bad, I guess.

So just this once, because usually this kind of thing bugs the crap out of me, I’m going to give out my current playlist, straight from the heart of my iTunes Party Shuffle. Go ahead and mock me. I don’t care anymore.

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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