Monday, June 02, 2008

Sadly, This is the Kind of Stuff That Keeps Me Up at Night

Next time you are in a 7-eleven, go to the fountain drink section of the store and note the following about the sizes of the cups:

Gulp: 20 oz. (591 mL)

Big Gulp: 32 oz. (946 mL)

Super Big Gulp: 44 oz (1301 mL)

Double Gulp: 64 oz. (1893 mL)

Notice the problem?

The DOUBLE Gulp.

It has been named very poorly. Very, very poorly. It is not double the size of the Gulp. It should be the “Triple and a Little Bit More Gulp.”

Though I understand how that might not roll off the tongue and may not even fit on the side of the cup when you typeset it in HUGE letters.

They recently increased the size of the Gulp from 16 oz. (473 mL) to its current size. So the problem used to be even worse.

And, if you were the sort of person who was prone to thinking obsessively about the sizes and names of the cups in a 7-eleven and started a letter writing campaign to the Southland Corporation (7-eleven’s former corporate name) a while back which politely pointed out this glaring inconsistency in their product line and has been writing letters about this issue to the company every single week for YEARS and have NEVER heard back from them, except a stupid form letter that says “thanks for visiting 7-eleven!” and a coupon for a free Slurpee, good through August of 1999 and have basically been treated like a pariah and been banned from the neighborhood 7-eleven after organizing a smallish protest (a drunk guy and underage kids loitering and looking for someone to buy them some beer), tossing all the offending cups on the floor and then storming out while shrieking, “THESE ARE NOT DOUBLE. YOU CAN’T CALL THESE DOUBLE GULPS, WHEN CLEARLY THEY ARE NOT DOUBLE THE SIZE OF THE GULP!”; well, you might just feel a little bummed.

Though I wouldn’t know anything about that, of course.

1. Personally, I think that they should just take a big ass keg, fill it with Diet Coke and call it “The Loralee Gulp”.

   It wouldn’t solve your “Double Gulp” quandary but it would totally make ME happy and after all, isn’t that what the world is all about anyway?

   Posted by Loralee  on  06/01/08  at  11:27 PM

2. I’m more concerned about the misuse of the adverb “Super” for an extra 12oz . Who are they kidding?

   And another thing, the 7-eleven round my way was opened until 11:08 last Tuesday. Yet more blatant misdirection.

   Posted by Really Big Dave  on  06/02/08  at  05:38 AM

3. There are still 7-Elevens?  That’s where I used to sneak to buy my candy cigarettes!

   I think what they meant was Double GUT, not GULP.  It was a typo.  A DOUBLE GUT is what you get when regularly drink that trash.

   I should know.

   Posted by OMSH  on  06/02/08  at  07:32 AM

4. I was actually at a 7-eleven yesterday and was thinking the same thing about the sizes.  All they really need to do is re-name the sizes that way it wouldnt bother people like us anymore!

   Posted by Jessica  on  06/02/08  at  08:14 AM

5. Hey, I still get a small thrill of accomplishment whenever I find a store where I can snub the “15 items or less” line for the “10 items or *fewer*”

   I’ll stand in a longer line just to support the good grammar, although I suspect that I (and possibly whomever I’m with) am the only person who notices or cares…

   Posted by rkimedes  on  06/02/08  at  08:15 AM

6. Now I want a Double Gulp.  Full of Diet Coke.

   Posted by Angella  on  06/02/08  at  08:47 AM

7. Our 7-Eleven shut down.. Stupid teenagers stealing candy all the time.. :)

   Posted by darci  on  06/02/08  at  10:12 AM

8. I miss 7-11’s. But that’s too much to drink, I’d not so much gulp and drown.

   Posted by MitMoi  on  06/02/08  at  01:19 PM

9. *as drown ...

   or I’d gulp so much I’d drown

   engrish ... my first language. :(

   Posted by MitMoi  on  06/02/08  at  01:20 PM

10. Clearly, you need to write 7-11 a letter.

    Posted by Pants  on  06/02/08  at  01:49 PM

11. Am I the only one who’s noticed that the double gulp is two Big Gulps?

    So the Double Gulp is a Double BIG Gulp, as opposed to just the Gulp.

    Posted by Michelle  on  06/02/08  at  04:01 PM

12. I’m voting for Double Double Big Big Gulp Gulp.
    You have to burn off the calories of all that soda somehow.

    Posted by Garrison Reid  on  06/02/08  at  04:43 PM

13. I think you just miss the convenience store’s sense of humor.

    Posted by Neil  on  06/02/08  at  07:28 PM

14. I’m, totally, going to have nightmares about what a half-gallon worth of corn syrup ladened pop will do to a pancreas now.

    Posted by michael  on  06/02/08  at  10:32 PM

15. So now we know what the plot of Kevin Smith’s 3rd “Clerks” movie is all about!
    LOL!

    Posted by TurtleGirl93  on  06/04/08  at  02:50 PM

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