Thursday, May 17, 2007

I’m Princess Meanie-Pants, and I’ll Be Your Daughter This Evening

Take a gander at Exhibit A:

Doesn’t she look precious? Innocent? Adorable? Just so dang cute that you start to salivate like you are a chocoholic let loose at night at the hollow chocolate Easter Bunny factory?

You’d be wrong, Internet. You’d be ever so wrong.

You’d also be wrong about going crazy and eating an entire factory full of hollow chocolate Easter Bunnies. A) They’re hollow. You are being robbed of chocolate! B) whoever ate a good hollow chocolate Easter Bunny? If you are going to throw caution to the wind and commit a felony, at least break into someplace decent, mmm, K? C) I forgot what (C) was because I had to go to 7-11 and get a Snickers bar real quick and I lost my train of thought. Mmmm, chocolate.

So that little sweet sleeping creature of love in the photo? Not so love-y last night. She’d been promised ice cream in exchange for good behavior at a Junior High band concert. Was she a good girl? Was she quiet and attentive? Did she clap appropriately and not make cat calls and “wooohooo!” noises at the cute boys like she normally does?

Surprisingly, she was on her best behavior. She so deserved a reward. One problem. By the time the concert was over it was far too late to get ice cream. People had to get home and do homework, take baths and in the case of one nine year old, hide his online poker winnings from his father who wants to buy a 50” LCD HDTV.

You can see where this is going, can’t you?

Youngest girl child threw a FIT. And we aren’t talking about a mere temper tantrum, like your garden variety two or three year old might throw. No, no. Child of Love The Last started throwing punches. Connected once on her Mom.

Mom doesn’t take that kind of crap from nobody.

We are not a violent family. We don’t use spankings as punishment; we are a “count to three” and of the kid isn’t obeying by three, Time-Outs and other forms of non violent punishment occur. Those other forms of punishment include things even worse than spankings, like forcing the misbehaving kid to watch Fox News, or if they’ve been really naughty, Bill O’Reilly. *shiver*

So this violent streak is a new one. Maybe it’s because she’s the youngest. Maybe it’s because she was terribly disappointed that a promise would go unkept, though an even better rain check was proffered. Maybe she’s just not very smart. I know it’s tough when one is only four years old since cause and effect are somewhat mystifying processes and you live only in the present, but this was a fairly extraordinary outburst.

She smacked Reha on the way home from the concert. Upon entering the house, she was to march straight to the bathroom and begin her Time Out. And Time Outs can NOT begin until the screaming and the yelling and the histrionics have stopped. And the little cretin gets herself properly into the bathroom.

Instead she runs into the house, letting out the most hideous noises, as if she’d swallowed a tornado warning system and launched herself into a prone position in the middle of the upstairs hall.

“Ellis, you have to go to Time Out. You can’t just lay there face down breathing in carpet fibers.”

“JUST FORGET ABOUT THIS, MOM!”

Yeah, right, like that’s going to happen.

She finally shoots me a Laser Death Stare™ in between screams and gets in to the bathroom. But she’s still wailing. To say she is screaming loudly is an understatement like saying that Donald Trump has “kinda odd” hair.

So about twenty minutes later, the screaming still hasn’t subsided so I open the bathroom door and remind her, “Ellis, your time out starts once you stop FREAKING out, babe.”

“I. KNOW. THAT!”

“OK, I just want you to be able to come out here with the rest of us.”

And then she kicked the door so hard it almost slammed shut on my nose.

So that picture up there, where she looks all angelic and sweet and shit? Pictures lie, man, pictures lie.

1. Oh, yes, pictures lie. Especially when they show sweet, sleeping angels. They always manage to hide the horns while they’re sleeping…

   Posted by Woman with Kids  on  05/17/07  at  05:51 AM

2. There’s nothing quite like trying to discipline an over-tired child, especially late at night.

   Posted by Radioactive Jam  on  05/17/07  at  06:18 AM

3. hm… just wait until the cute four year old is eighteen and decides to have the four year old’s tantrum!

   Is the angelic picture from when she finally fell asleep on the bathroom floor?!

   Posted by kellynerd  on  05/17/07  at  09:56 AM

4. kelly…

   Almost. She’s asleep on our bed. And see how red her cheeks are? That’s from the crying and the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. It was Biblical, I’m tellin’ you.

   Posted by jon  on  05/17/07  at  10:20 AM

5. Ahhhh, I remember those days.  I have a sister (13 years younger) who was the QUEEN of tantrum throwing.  At one point my parents even went to counseling to figure out how to deal with her as they were not spankers either.  The therapist told them when she got into an uncontrollable tantrum...put her in the shower and turn on the cold water.  I thought that was terrible and was shocked. But they only had to do it once.

   It sounds though like your little darling of love doesn’t do that sort of tantrum throwing.  I’m so glad I don’t have a little girl sometimes.

   Really enjoy your blog.  Very funny.

   Posted by Kerstin  on  05/17/07  at  10:41 AM

6. Kerstin…

   Like RaJ said, she was a bit over-tired and muy disappointed. This outburst was a bit surprising as she doesn’t usually freak out *this* badly. Comical, even. We laughed pretty hard when she screamed, “I KNOW THAT!” Like, “I know I’m in trouble, but I’m just going to keep yelling until I have it all out of my system.”

   Kids are goofy animals, man.

   Posted by jon  on  05/17/07  at  10:59 AM

7. Sometimes, it’s hard not to laugh at what they say.  Most especially when they are angry.

   Posted by Kerstin  on  05/17/07  at  11:42 AM

8. Okay, this has nothing to do with tantrums, but the comment about Trump’s hair being “kinda odd” reminded me of this http://dethroner.com/2007/05/03/introducing-trump-steaks/

   I particularly liked the comment that said, “They should have put little wigs on the steaks.”

   Posted by Jenna  on  05/17/07  at  11:52 AM

9. You mean 3 year olds throwing punches isn’t normal?  Dang, it was Friday night at the fights all year long when my nieces and nephews were that age.

   Posted by michael  on  05/17/07  at  05:10 PM

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