Thursday, September 14, 2006

Nobody Walks in L.A.

Do you know what time you have to get up in Salt Lake in order to make a 9:30 meeting in Burbank? Given the traffic situation on the 405 the correct answer should be “two days ago.” Or 4:45 AM and roll up to the meeting @ 10 and shout out, ”I don’t feel tardy!”

Four things I learned about L.A. yesterday.

One: Traffic really is that bad. The mind boggles. Like 1.2 miles in 35 minutes bad. And when you are sitting in your rented Ford Fusion, tucked in between a veritable canyon of SUVs and big rig trucks, you can’t even see what might be happening “up there” to cause all the congestion. And of course, it also doesn’t matter what’s happening up ahead, because over in the middle or left lanes, there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. You are going to be there no matter what. There’s no way you can consider exiting.

Two: Nothing good has ever happened to me while I was on the 405. Or 101, for that matter. For example, yesterday on the 405 I got a call at 9:07 that the meeting had been moved from 10 to 9:30. That’s just not right, man. You can’t get from Santa Monica to Burbank in 20 minutes. You’d need a time machine.

Three: NPR is NPR no matter where you are. But it’s weird to hear the same story at 8:45 in L.A. that I heard at 5:45 in Salt Lake. Oh, and the world famous KROQ sucks now.

Four: Everybody in L.A. has a “secret” way to beat the traffic. You say to someone, “Yeah, I’m going from LAX to Burbank” and they start to tell you that taking the 405 to 101 is *NOT* how you should go. “You should go the way I go. Drive south to Whittier first and then take a left and drive north on this dinky side street, until you pass the Mario’s Famous Taco Shoppe in Pasedena, then take another left and you’ll be *right there*!”

I know Whittier is in the exact opposite direction from Burbank when you are coming from LAX, but I’m trying to make a point, OK?

A corollary to this is the time does weird things in L.A. It’s the only place where you say, “my plane leaves at 7:40. What time should I leave for the airport?” and then the person you are talking to gets a panicked look on their face and says, “NOW! Ohmygawd! You should leave NOW! Go! Move it!” and they start helping you gather your stuff together and pushing you out the door. And it’s 3:30 in the afternoon.

PowerPoint still sucks, by the way.

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

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