Wednesday, January 04, 2006

New Years’ Resolutions 2006

1) Stop torturing the kids by forcing them to listen to my rendition of “Boogie Fever” complete with dance moves.

2) Upon crossing the finish line of the SLC marathon in June, try and not to cry like a little baby.

3) Not shave all this stupid, itchy brillo-pad hair off my face for another month.

4) Stop referring to Jen as my ex-girlfriend.

5) Try and go more than two months without having to undergo surgery. (So far, so good!)

6) Stop insulting puppies.

7) Begin each day with a life affirming phrase like, “Today is going to be a great day!” or “You deserve your happiness!!” I will keep a straight face while doing this.

8) At work, begin to see the good in my co-workers, even though they all kind of smell funny.

9) Try and not gloat when bad things happen to Republicans. They are people, too, you know.

10) When I fail to get the remodel done by spring, I’ll try and come up with more life affirming phrases.

11) I’ll stop swearing in Italian.

12) Not kill anyone again, just to watch them die. Unless they are Republicans, because, you know… they probably deserved it.

13) I will get the Palestinians and the Israelis to see reason and just get along, for Pete’s sake on a popsicle stick. (this is the easiest one of the bunch, I imagine)

14) Stop using the phrase “Whoop, there it is!” when I find my wallet that I misplaced ten minutes previously.

15) Finally fess up about being the source on the Valerie Plame leak.

16) For once get express written consent from Major League Baseball.

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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