Friday, August 18, 2006

Me and My Boring Life

Re and I gave blood tonight.

Yes, I did my hemophilia joke, and no, the Blood People still don’t think it’s funny.

They make you read a book which lists a ton of questions about your personal life, where you’ve lived and all sorts of things about your health. Totally understandable, of course. All kinds of people have all kinds of icky things floating around in their bloodstream.

Anyway, I realized that I’m a perfect candidate to give blood. For now and for the rest of my life, because I’ve lived and continue to live an incredibly boring existence.

• Never been to Africa. (Though idiotic racists in Italy consider Sicily a part of Africa)
• Never abused intravenous drugs. (Define “abuse,” please)
• Never been paid for sex. (Though I’ve been told that people would pay to NOT have sex with me.)
• Never paid for sex. (Unless you consider having 17 children (all under the age of 9) “paying for having had sex” kind of thing.)
• Never had sex with a man. (Though according to certain folks, that’s a *choice* I make every day, not just my natural proclivities)
• Never had dura matter (bascially, the brain’s enclosure) from brain surgery. (Though I do like the sound of the phrase “dura matter.")

Boring. Boring. Boring.

Now I’m going to make it my life’s work to make my life exciting and adventurous and disqulify myself from further blood donation.

First step, paid sex with a man while on an Africa trip after we’ve both shot up. With dirty, shared needles, of course.

I’ll save the dura matter until after I get back.

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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