Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Leaving a Trail Wherever I Go

Over the weekend while our power was out we went to the grocery store. Yes, we needed groceries, but we mostly wanted to loiter in a place that was WARM for as long as possible. We bought a tube of these:

I ate half the can on Sunday afternoon before I realized what I was eating. (Technically I’m on a diet, but on Sundays, I eat whatever I want, damn the torpedoes.) I’d gobbled a metric ton of Pringles, chock full of olestra.

You ever heard of olestra? You probably have and this is all old news. It’s a fat substitute. It’s chemically different than naturally occurring fats, but ends up tasting a lot like “normal” fat in food. The body doesn’t (or can’t) process the olestra stuff so the “fat” in the olestra isn’t absorbed by the body. So as a food manufacturer, you can strip out the troubling “normal” fat and replace it with olestra (for a fee under the brand name “Olean” thanks to the wizards at Protor & Gamble) and Shazam on a Stick! you have yourself a tasty, tasty “low-fat” treat.

Except of course for the small problem:
Anal leakage.

And possibly moderate to severe abdominal cramping; presumably as your body rebels and the tries to shoot the olestra gunk out as quickly as possible.

Anyway.

I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here and delve into areas labeled “Too Much Information”

I’m just going to say this and be done with it:

Yesterday my gastrointestinal tract put on a Broadway-worthy show which could best be described as remarkable.

Stunning.

Thought provoking.

Uncomfortable.

That is all.

Posted by Jon on 01/08/08 at 11:33 AM

  1. I have found that it is nearly ALWAYS best to avoid food labeled as “diet” or “light” at all times.  Those labels usually mean high in sugar or aspartame (which becomes carcinogenic formaldehyde in the body) or, ew, Olestra.

    I have had my own Olestra run-in before, so I feel for you.

    And now, a link:
    http://www.cspinet.org/olestra/index.html

    Posted by schmutzie  on  01/08/08  at  11:53 AM

  2. You had me giggling as soon as I saw the word Olestra.  Yes folks, if the fat can’t be absorbed it must go some where…

    Posted by michael  on  01/08/08  at  12:32 PM

  3. I had my own run in with this stuff when I was 14 or 15...gosh 10 years ago.  I’ve NEVER eaten it since.  EVER.  It is not NOT worth saving a few grams of fat to have the “possible side effects” of olestra.

    Posted by Angela  on  01/08/08  at  02:08 PM

  4. Brings a whole new meaning to ‘once you pop you can’t stop’.

    Posted by Anitra  on  01/08/08  at  04:40 PM

  5. Oh, yeah.  That’s a drag.  Olestra = Bad Scene.

    Posted by Novembrance  on  01/14/08  at  08:43 AM
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