Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Laser Tag People Are Weird People

“We are taking fire! Cover me!”

“Die, you accursed pig dog!”

“I’m hit! Aaahhhhh!”

These are small sampling of quotes from Lucas’ birthday party at a Laser Tag place last Friday. None of those quotes are specifically from me, but they could have been, but for a small amount of self control.

Here’s the thing about Laser Tag:

When you are 14 and running around with your buds and screaming and shooting anything that moves: very fun.

When you are in your 40s and doing the same thing: kind of freaky.

Which is not to say that I didn’t have fun, but I found myself thinking, “Dude, you are way too old to be doing this. Stop having so much fun!”

Sadly, I “dude” myself when I talk to myself. Even I roll my eyes at myself when I do that.

The whole Laser Quest extravaganza is a bit nuts, actually. The “game arena” is set up like an Unreal Tournament map from 1999. Maze-like, dark and misty. You have wear this bulky backpack/chestplate thing with flashing lights for targets and but in turn you get to carry a laser pistol.

As you can imagine, it speaks to me on a very nerdly level. Flashing lights! Lasers! If there’d been a cheesy talking robot as my sidekick, my geek life may have been complete.

I even caught myself doing quick “check six” moves and quickly glancing behind me every few moments, just like I used to when I played first person shooter games.

Dweeb Alert Level: Dangerously High

Except, when you are chasing your wife through the maze who has the 5 year old in tow, because even though the 5 year old can’t play because the backpack target extravaganza is far too large for her and she can’t carry it without toppling over, the 5 year old desperately wants to play and would be screaming to high heaven if she’d been left out, you kind of realize, “What are you doing here?”

Ever have one of those experiences where you walk into a situation and immediately realize that you DO NOT belong there?

In the movies, the cliché is the white guy opening the door to the predominantly black bar. Or the reverse, black guy in a white bar (country club, etc.), or the plot line to just about any Eddie Murphy movie from the eighties.

I’m just saying, though it’s pretty fun, I think I’m done with Laser Tag as a sport. I won’t be joining the club and entering league play.

Yes, there is league play for Laser Tag.

Process that for a moment. It’s like paint ball wars for nerds who absolutely refuse to go outside.

Plus, these people were there:

Hate to break it to you Obi-Wan Kedoofus, but that fake light saber you are holding? DOES NOT BLOCK LASER TAG SHOTS LIKE IN THE MOVIES.

1. Those league folk freak me out.

   Posted by Pants  on  05/07/08  at  10:25 AM

2. LMAO! Obi-Wan Kedoofus for the win!

   Posted by Michelle  on  05/07/08  at  11:15 AM

3. I’ve always wanted to play Laser Tag.  Will you match wits with me one day?

   Next… paintball.

   Posted by Neil  on  05/07/08  at  12:08 PM

4. I think I would pay good money to see Neil and Jon take each other on in paintball.

   Posted by Loralee  on  05/07/08  at  11:41 PM

5. Holy cow.  Laser tag leagues?  Kids who say “accursed pig dog”?  Where the heck do you find these people?!

   Posted by imaginary binky  on  05/08/08  at  12:44 AM

6. My first thought was Obi-Wan Kebalding, but Kedoofus is good, too.

   Posted by Jim  on  05/08/08  at  07:34 AM

7. That was hilarious! Is it just me or could Obi-Wan also pass for a chubby Opie Taylor? Just sayin’.

   In case you didn’t know, I found your blog through DadGoneMad. I’ve posted a complete list of everyone who left their blog link on his Big Big Stars post in a post of my own called Blog Rolling With My Homies over on my blog, so if you want to see it come on over and sit a spell. I don’t bite..…that hard anyway!

   If you did know just overlook this since my brain feels like mush from trying to comment on all 217 on the list!!

   Posted by DeeDee  on  05/08/08  at  12:50 PM

8. Dude, embrace Teh Inner Geek.

   (I ‘dude’ myself constantly.  And I’m a girl.)

   Posted by Novembrance  on  05/08/08  at  01:00 PM

9. OMG! I used to LOOOOOVE Laser Tag. There was a place in the mall and everyone did their parties there. I actually forgot all about it until now but holy hell, it was fun. Violent but fun.

   Also this? “In the movies, the cliché is the white guy opening the door to the predominantly black bar. Or the reverse, black guy in a white bar (country club, etc.), or the plot line to just about any Eddie Murphy movie from the eighties. “

   Funny you should say that because I had an interesting conversation along those lines yesterday afternoon.

   Posted by Heather B.  on  05/08/08  at  01:59 PM

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