L.A. Stories

I won’t give the minute by minute details of my recent trip to Los Angeles, but here are the highlights, in no particular order:

If anything, traffic has gotten more insane down there. Really, they aren’t kidding. Pack provisions. And possibly an adult diaper.

It’s a bad thing when someone gives you directions and they say, “take a right at the 7-11. You can’t miss it. There are drug dealers out front.”

It was snowing and nasty when I left SLC. It was balmy and nice in LA. This confused my internal clock and I’ve begun to bloom far too early in the season

Speaking of stalking, some celebrity’s fences are electrified, but not marked as such. Ow.

The guy offering to take you on a “VIP Movie Star Tour!” is really just a guy named Bernardo who will take you to the Taco Bell where Britney once puked. Not really worth $35.

While I’m away, even though I try very hard to make the planet continue to spin on its axis, sometimes the intern back at home base will just start unplugging things at random. Which in turn causes half the studio to call, text and shriek at me from thousands of miles away. I haven’t told the other half my new cell number.

The wireless password at the Comfort Inn on Vermont Avenue just off the 101 is 3236650344 (phone number of the place)

If you looked like a movie producer (and have fake biz cards made before you leave), you can get pitched three movies during one lunch

Fisticuffs can ensue over electrical outlets at the airport. And little kids cry a lot when they can’t watch The Lion King after you kick them and their stupid portable DVD players off your juice.

Posted by Jon on 04/01/08 at 12:21 AM

Yes, but what I really want to know is if freeway signs talked to you and if you got into your car to drive next door?

Posted by Loralee on 04/01/08 at 01:26 AM
The last time I drove through LA was on a holiday weekend...I had JAMMED from the bay area through the grapevine and called my friend to announce my insanely excellent travel time. BIG MISTAKE; just after the phone call I happened upon a major hazardous waste spill that comletely shut down the 5 at LAX. Ended up being the longest day I’ve spent in a car, ever. I could’ve gone for an adult diaper.

Posted by Pants on 04/01/08 at 10:46 AM
um. i think there is one number missing on the wireless password. and i need it. someday i will drive past there and think. damn it. what was that missing number!

Posted by Ellen on 04/01/08 at 10:46 AM
But it wasn’t snowing. And that’s something.

Posted by Pete Dunn on 04/01/08 at 03:02 PM
Here’s where I get to feel smug about living in New York.

Posted by Novembrance on 04/01/08 at 04:02 PM
One hour ... from Venice Blvd to La Ciengega Blvd. on the 405 ... one hour to go five miles. I needed a mini-bar in the rental car.

Posted by MitMoi on 04/02/08 at 06:24 PM
Maybe you could give everyone at the studio half of your cell phone number rather then half of the people your whole cell phone number. Then no one would feel left out and your trips would be quieter.

Posted by rkimedes on 04/06/08 at 11:03 PM

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!