Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Kundalini Express

A week or so ago, Reha (much beloved spouse of moi) went out and got herself a new job. She has had an interesting career path since she graduated law school. She did a judicial clerkship, worked for a small firm, worked for a *really* large firm and just gave notice at the State’s Attorney General’s office.

Now she’s going to work on the railroad.

(She got a job as an in-house counsel for Union Pacific.)

Which means that if you get drunk, fall down on a set of railroad tracks and get a limb cut off your dumb self when the 5:03 out of Ogden barrels by, you are going to have to deal with her. You are going to lose. Trust me on this. She’s very, very good and probably *way* smarter than the dork lawyer you hired. Why are you even bothering with this frivolous lawsuit anyway? It’s hopeless. I only win arguments with her by breaking down and weeping uncontrollably, and you won’t have that option in court.

Anyway, what’s kind of funny about all this (besides the *endless* sing-song renditions of “you’ll be workin’ on the railroad, all the live long day,” we all pelt her with now) is that men and women have completely different reactions to the announcement. Women ask what you would normally expect when someone tells you they got a new job, i.e., “More money? Better hours? Better work? etc.”

Men all ask some variant of this question (yours truly included): “Will you get to ride in a train engine?” I think Lucas might have even asked if she got to drive one.

There’s just something about trains that appeals to almost all men and boys. (And some women, of course). But I have to say, anytime we see a train, I end up pointing it out, like it’s some kind of indefinable “cool” thing. Weird, huh? Trains are cool. I don’t exactly know why.

She also gets issued a Blackberry, which is probably the most exciting part of the whole gig for her. I think when she had to give up her Blackberry when she went to the AG’s office, she cried a little on the inside. You don’t know about Crackberry addiction until you see first hand a woman dripping wet from just exiting the shower and thumbing through her Blackberry while she tries to towel off with one hand.

Though seriously… don’t you think she should get to ride in an engine? Again, how cool would *that* be? Maybe she could just get me one of those cool black and white striped conductor hats?

1. My wife’s (non-railroad) employer requires new hires to complete a series of computer-based job skill tutorials.

   They’re called Train Tracks.

   I wonder if Union Pacific uses that system?

   Posted by Radioactive Jam  on  02/27/07  at  03:03 PM

2. ah, no wonder the email I just sent your gorgeous and phenomenal spouse just came back undeliverable.  Best of luck with the new job, Re!  (Um, I suppose the statute of limitations has expired on this little anecdote, so I’ll go ahead and tell you that my maternal grandfather once stole an engine and took it for a joyride down the track for about a mile before stopping and hopping out and running like heck.  He LOVED trains, collected toy ones that my uncle now owns....I swear there’s about 800 of them.)

   Anyway, when you get a chance, let Re know I tried to drop her a line?  Thanks, Cherry Blossom. ;)

   Posted by elizabeth  on  03/19/07  at  10:03 AM

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