Monday, October 15, 2007

In Which I Reveal That We Are Big, Huge Ginourmous Slobs

First off, this photo:

Essentially an un-retouched photo of what was underneath our queen-sized bed.

You may feel free to gag or think less of me and my family. Yes, all that CRAP really was underneath the bed. And yes, both our carpet and the walls of the master bedroom are that dark green color. The previous owners of our house were kind of funky, to say the least. We don’t know what color the walls will end up, but I assure you, they will NEVER be dark green as long as I live there.

Let’s zoom in, shall we?

“But Jon,” you may ask in a decidedly quizzical way, “I thought you guys were perfect in every way! How could this happen? And how did SO MUCH gunk end up under there?”

OK, truth be told and to be totally honest about the whole scandalous nature of how we live, The Deal Family Compound is fairly reeking with the odor of fetid cheese, moldy tomatoes and some lost and decaying pet that we forgot to feed, but we rarely let junk accumulate quite as badly as you see here. Every now and then (Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons), we break out the sponges and give the old castle a quick wipe down.

“Wait,” you say with your tone indicating both disbelief and further disgust since I am obviously fomenting a huge fib, “We already know that you are slovenly people. You as much as admitted it last time you did this.”

Well.

Um.

Yeah.

But…

The re-model is beating the WILL TO LIVE from my very soul! Take pity on me!

Because when you are fighting for your very soul, who has time to de-clutter under the bed?

But once the re-model is complete and we move back into our bedroom, we’re are getting some of those cool “under the bed” storage units. And we’ll banish the children from ever coming into our bedroom. Seriously, more than half that junk is their stuff that migrated into our bedroom when we mistakenly let them come in. What always surprises me is how many shoes end up under there. No wonder no one can find a matching pair of shoes every morning around here.

And Reha will somehow get me to tame my horrible magazine addiction.

I think I might start a flickr pool of “what’s underneath your bed?” Simple rules for the pool: You move your bed, and take a snapshot and post for all the world to gawk at, point at you and make fun of you for being slobs.

1. But what if the only stuff under your bed is some dog hair - since the dog likes to hide under there - and your boyfriend’s plastic tubs of clothes? Is the rule for joining such a Flickr Pool that you have to be a ginormous slob? I’d be very unpopular.

   Posted by Michelle  on  10/15/07  at  04:27 PM

2. Michelle

   No, that would totally count! Though personally, I hope to be in the “plastic tub o’ clothes” club very soon.

   Posted by Jon  on  10/15/07  at  04:30 PM

3. Is it just me, or does it look like you had a katana stashed under your bed?  I mean, when it comes to random crap to have stashed under your bed in a slovenly way, that’s kinda cool.  Or, you know, I mean, some people might think so… I mean, it’s totally practical if you’re expecting a ninja attack.

   Posted by Jenna  on  10/15/07  at  06:22 PM

4. I would totally participate in that flickr group.  However, I don’t think it would yield anything as… um… interesting as this!

   Posted by Ellen  on  10/15/07  at  10:32 PM

5. Jenna

   Yep, it’s a Katana. A toy katana, which belongs to our 9 year old. Though he lets me play with it and make sword-swishing noises, if I ask very nicely.

   And those of you clicking over from kerflop, let’s not forget that she had something that smelled like it DIED in her room. :-]
   

   Posted by jon deal  on  10/16/07  at  08:28 AM

6. Ha, ha ... not only do I have similar messes, I also inherited green carpeting from previous owners. My messes, however, do not have the decency to hide under the bed!

   Posted by merrymishaps  on  10/16/07  at  11:13 AM

7. My bed sits on the floor, so all the mess is forced to lie in piles around the bed where it feels very exposed and awkward.

   Posted by Lauxa  on  10/16/07  at  12:28 PM

8. ‘Essentially’ unretouched?

   Posted by Novembrance  on  10/16/07  at  04:25 PM

9. Novembrance

   Yeah. :-] I only did a little vignetting around the edges.

   Posted by Jon  on  10/16/07  at  04:39 PM

10. I can relate- make the flickr pool please?
    My cr used to look like that
    fer real

    Posted by amy  on  10/17/07  at  01:06 PM

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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