Tuesday, May 08, 2007

How Much Niacin Is Too Much Niacin?

The Coca-Cola company has rather quietly introduced a new product into the marketplace.

I don’t know really, maybe they have a big splashy marketing campaign behind the whole thing. I don’t watch enough TV and radio is dead to me, so unless it’s on NPR it’ll probably pass me by. And so far no one has figured out a way to sneak ads onto my iPod, either. So I could have missed all the hoopla and this stuff has been out for a year. But it’s NEW TO ME! AND I’M A LITTLE EXCITED ABOUT IT.

But my point, and I swear, I do have one, is that finally someone has come up with a product that I can heartily endorse.

Diet Coke Plus™

It’s Diet Coke™! But with vitamins and minerals added!

I’ll pause while you gather yourself.

OMG! OMG! I can’t remain composed. It’s so very eleventy-forty kinds of awesome!

ONE MY ADDICTIONS IS FINALLY GOOD FOR ME! Praise zoraster!

And it tastes pretty much exactly the way Diet Coke tastes. Just with MORE chemicals added for robustness. How awesome is that?

I think I have to sit down for a second.

Let’s read the label and get right to the “good stuff” about the RDA numbers, shall we?

Niacin . . . . . . .  25%
Vitamin B6 . . . . 25%
Vitamin B12 . . . 25%
Magnesium . . . .15%
Zinc . . . . . . . . . 15%

So four cans of Diet Coke Plus nets you ALL your Niacin for the day. Woohooo! I’m SO rocking the B6 right now! I’m high on B6! I can see stars and it’s like I can feel and touch the light, man. Whoa.

One thing I’d like to note which was pretty smart of the GENIUSES at Coca-Cola HQ. (The Wizards of Georgia is what I call them). They kept out vitamins and minerals which could theoretically kill you in über-high doses. Like iron and vitamin A. Because I’m pretty sure most of us Diet Coke addicts would O.D. in one day. Imagine the liability!

And look, it’s so very lovely! Doesn’t the can even SPEAK to you with its multi-colored hues and say, “I’m healthy and fun! And fizzy! And caffeinated! Drink me, I’m yummy!”

No? Well, it says that to me.

But don’t listen to me, I’m so high right now.

1. If you haven’t experienced Niacin Flush before, all I’m saying is that if, after drinking a bunch of Diet Coke, you get a sunburn that lasts about 20 minutes and itches, don’t be alarmed.

   Posted by Jenna  on  05/08/07  at  08:36 AM

2. Haha...Jenna beat me too my comment.  I’ll stay away from the niacin, thank you very much.

   Posted by michael  on  05/08/07  at  10:04 AM

3. Haven’t seen that up here yet.  I am like you...a Diet Cokeaholic.  My wife keeps telling me that I should take vitamins and now, like you, I can have my vice and feel good doing it.  Thank you Coke.

   Posted by Sirdar  on  05/08/07  at  09:17 PM

Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. All comments belong to the respective commenters.