Monday, July 16, 2007

How Long Before Bic™ Pen Ink Fades?

Last night, Reha and I were hanging out in our bedroom, hiding from the children and letting them plot their World Domination Tour ’07 without interference from us. Occasionally, one of them would come back of our room and make sure we weren’t going to come out and thwart their plans and alert the authorities, but mostly they left us alone.

Which is just too weird. We don’t usually get a lot of time to just hang out, read books or sit and talk within the walls of our own home, there is always someone clamoring for our attention. We tend to escape at least once a week and leave the kidlets to their own devices, much as if they were feral dogs, just so we can have some sanity. Lots of times we end up talking about the kids and our plans for them and whether or not the price we can get for a potty trained four year old has gone up enough that we are willing to risk imprisonment and go through with our “dispose of all children via the Gypsy open market” plan.

Anyway…

We call Carrie back to our room for an audience with us, so we can discuss Her Future. So got back from Japan last week and since then has buried herself in such mind expanding activities such as: ignoring us, IM’ing with her friends until the wee hours of the morning (you can set a clock to it), sleeping until mid-afternoon, and of course, treating us with contempt and disdain. It’s so nice to have her back!

OK, I’m kidding about all that, except for the part about staying up far too late.

She’s going to be a Senior next year, and though she has zero desire to become a responsible member of adult society, we feel certain parental duties and urges to shove her out into the world at least marginally prepared for life outside of the Deal Family Compound. Like, she has to decide where she wants to go to college. And she has to take the ACT or SATs. And it’d probably be nice if she got her driver’s license at some point. And she has to stop putting off taking those P.E. classes, or she won’t make it out of High School AT ALL. So we are having A Discussion about Her Future and I can’t help but make fun of her for many reasons, the greatest of those being that she’s funny when she freaks out about having to take a P.E. class. “Exercise, eeeew. That’s for the proletariat.”

“Jon, you are being totally rude!”

“Oh, come on, Re! I’m just kidding. Jeez!”

And then Reha lifted up my shirt and wrote on my expansive white belly, “Rude!” in ball point pen.

“Hey! Why’d you do that?”

“What? It’ll wash off. Plus, you never take off your shirt. No one will EVER see it. And given the size and sheer stark whiteness of your paunch, that’s a Good Thing.” (She didn’t really say that last thing, but it was unspoken and floating there in the air, I could feel it.)

“Yes, but what if I get into an accident and they take me to the hospital and they see that my big fat belly says, ‘Rude!’ and then I get sub-standard treatment because after all, who wants to save the life of a rude person and then I die?!”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

This morning, I completely forgot to wash it off (I was in a hurry and was mostly asleep during my shower, as usual).

So my belly says “Rude!” on it. If they have to take me to the hospital anytime today, I’m pretty well screwed, that’s all I’m saying.

1. Prefix w/ ‘not’.

   Problem solved.

   Pay me later.

   And in yet another bit of digital irony, my “captcha” string = later74. So clearly my fee should be 74.

   Posted by Radioactive Jam  on  07/16/07  at  01:07 PM

2. May I suggest some AXE bodywash on a buffpuffwashythingy (yes, that is the technical term!) to scrub that word off your body… your wife wont care if you are rude if you smell like that stuff!!!

   Posted by kelly  on  07/16/07  at  03:10 PM

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