Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Hi There! I Am the Personification of a First World Problem

I’ve been on the ADD med for a couple weeks, here are my thoughts.

Note: I will also stop talking about this, cease my incessant navel gazing and get back to whatever it is I actually do here, but this whole “Holy crap! I have ADD! Wow!” thing has been quite the revelation for me, so it’s been on my brain a fair amount. I actually do have some things in my “editing” pipeline and will get them going in the near future.

OK! Onward!

The Good Stuff:

It works! And by that I mean, I can concentrate on things a lot better. The distinguishing characteristic of my ADD is that I feel like I have a million channels of TV in my head, all going at the same time and someone is pressing the remote’s channel button every 15 seconds. If you were to talk to me in person, you would see this in the way I tell a story. I bounce and wander in seven different tangential directions, possibly never coming back to my main point. That’s how it is to be in my head all the time. It’s sightly exhausting and endlessly frustrating and makes it tricky to get stuff done. “Tricky” being the understatement of the century. Usually I try and edit the wandering out of my my writing, but sometimes it is as plain as day. I also tend to be distracted by everything around me quite easily. Over the years I found that I’d adopted some habits to neutralize those tendencies as much as possible, i.e., noise canceling headphones coupled with music, fewer blinking things on my screen, shutting down my Internet, hiding ALL other open apps on my Mac, that sort of thing. I don’t seem to need those “crutches” as much.

Even though this stuff is speed (an amphetamine), it makes me sleepy. Like, DEAD tired at the end of the day. Doc warned me that one of the side effects could be a touch of insomnia as my brain unwinds from the speed. Not! If anything, I realize that I was in DEEP sleep debt. I go to bed at around 9-10 and wake up at 8. Crazy. I also get to sleep faster. Usually, it takes me a good 45 minutes to get to sleep. The only way I could get to sleep was to read a book I’d already read a zillion times (or a much-watched movie on my iPod). That would put my brain on cruise control and allow me to drift off. Now I hit the pillow and I’m out. I’m liking that.

When I sit for extended periods of time, (staff meeting being the prime example), I fidget. That’s diminished significantly. Less leg jiggling, finger flipping and random twitchy-ness.

The Funny. This may sound weird, but I was very worried that being on this med would “take my funny away.” Doesn’t seem to have happened. Though I am more calm, I’m finding I can still be funny. I know that’s a strange thing to be worried about, and though I’m trying not to have “being funny” as the main thrust of my life these days, it’s still important to me. Have to see how that plays out in the long run as I start writing again.

The Less Than Optimal Things:

The med is an amphetamine. (Duh.) It. Scares. Me. Though this dose is pretty tiny and I’m not abusing it, it still freaks me out. Hey, I saw that episode of M*A*S*H where Charles gives Radar’s pet rat some speed so it’ll run really fast in a race and then the poor little beast gets sick! I have seen the consequences! Seriously, this stuff scares me. I’m hesitant to be dependent on it.

Dry mouth. This is especially true by the end of the day. It’s not bad breath, but it kind of feels like that “gummy, just woke up from a nap” mouth. I drink a lot of water and will start carrying a water bottle. Hard candy also helps. (I’m essentially becoming my grandfather, who always had hard candy squirreled away in a pocket somewhere. Oy. Vey.)

I don’t eat. This could also land in the “good” column, as I’ve already lost a few pounds, but I’m putting it here. I forget to eat and then end up light headed at the end of the day. Eating a decent breakfast before the med kicks in is crucial now.

Slight headache at the end of the day. Not bad, but kind of annoying.

Hot flashes. Kinda. It’s weird. I just feel warm all the time. Though this may have less to do with the med and more to do with my entering early menopause.

I can see that there are more Bad Things, but the Good Stuff far outweighs the bad for me. We’ll see how it goes for a couple months.

Reha mentioned that she’s quite envious that I’m losing weight without lifting a finger. Though that was mitigated when I said, “Sure, but in the meantime, I’ll be jealous of your successful law career since we’ve determined I don’t really have much of a career at all because of this thing I’ve got and tack on the fact that it took me approximately 25 years to figure out what my problem is and your ability to function without pharmaceutical support.”

“Oh… yeah… right. Sorry about that. Though I’ll still be jealous because you are going to lose a bunch of weight. Nothing will change that, I’m afraid.”

Anyway, one thing I’ve learned through my short experience with “brain” drugs is that seemingly the only way to know if something is going to work is to give it a whirl. If it works, you are golden; if not, move to the next thing. It’s like diagnosis happens once you start treatment. Funky. Brains are weird.

And that’s enough about that.

Posted by Jon on 12/03/08 at 01:48 PM

Once again, I’m *so* happy that you figured all of this out and then attacked it. (I don’t think you’ll ever lose The Funny.)

Posted by Angela on 12/03/08 at 02:11 PM
Set yourself little alarms on your cellphone, watch, or email program to remind you to eat. But, like your wife, I envy that you are losing weight without trying. Jerk.

Posted by Sra on 12/03/08 at 04:02 PM
Fascinating. Keep us posted. I’ve read that poor concentration means inability to form memories, so your short term memory should improve, too. Tell me if that works!

P.S. Does it mean I am 12 years old that the little test below to prove that I an not a robot is “purpose69,” and that made me giggle?

Posted by Moondance on 12/03/08 at 05:17 PM
Occasionally Jon’s word gizmo’s are a bit naughty. Sadly, I always get the tame ones.

Most “brain drugs” take around two weeks to reach a “steady state” in your system. It took closer to three weeks for me to adjust to Wellbutrin.

Crazymeds.us is great resource and includes fun sections on medications like: Freaky Rare Side effects and Interesting Stuff Your Doctor Probably Won’t Tell You about.

Posted by Michael on 12/03/08 at 07:06 PM
I only met you once, and for a short time, and you seemed like such a mellow guy that I would have never pegged you as having ADD (or ADHD) as I think they call it now). For me, the stereotype of someone with ADD is someone running from here to there, bored with a project after a few minutes—which didn’t seem like you. It just goes to show that you can’t always judge a person’s mind from their cover. I’m glad that it is helping.

Posted by Neil on 12/03/08 at 08:04 PM
I was diagnosed a few years ago but haven’t had good enough insurance since then to be able to afford any meds. But I CANNOT WAIT to find out what it’s like to exist in a more normal brain and be able to just focus on things the way regular people can. I completely understand though the worry about losing the funny. I’ve wondered if I might gain the focus necessary to get a lot of writing done, but lose my creativity and not be able to write anything decent.

A friend of mine gets dry mouth from depression meds and he’s found Altoids Sours really effective for it. Plus no noisy wrappers, making them a bit less elderly-esque.

Posted by Superfantastic on 12/03/08 at 08:26 PM
You’ve still got The Funny, no worries! I’m a recent beneficiary of the pharmaceutical industry as well, though the drugs in question are Xanax and Zoloft. Yeah, I like my drugs with funky letters. Anyhoo, the most important thing I’ve learned this year is that it’s ok to ask for help...from friends, professionals, and even drugs. Why suffer?!?!

Posted by Tammy on 12/03/08 at 08:40 PM
Alarms! Doy! Of course. I’ll start trying that tomorrow. I should have thought of that. Der.

@Michael—the nice thing about the ADD meds is that they are instantaneous. And on a purely anecdotal basis, it seems the stuff either works or it doesn’t, which is *super* convenient. :-] And though I’d send up a zillion red flags on a drug test right now, they don’t hang out in my system that long. Actually, I kind of like the notion that my pee (or blood) is somewhat “off/toxic.” My dream of one day becoming Wolverine from the X-Men is THAT MUCH closer.

@Neil—I’d say that I hide “it” pretty well in certain types of social situations. The “goofy” doesn’t come out until the third hour after meeting someone, I’d say. :-] And yeah, my “hyper” at this point is basically limited to how I think. You should have seen me as a kid, though. Oy. It’s like I was made of rubber I bounced around so much.

@Lori (superfantastic)—The stuff I’m taking (generic Adderall) was CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP. $10 with my insurance! The “fancy” time release versions are quite a bit more. $50 for a month’s supply (with insurance). Without insurance, yeah, stuff like Concerta is well over $150/month as I recall. I was ASTOUNDED (and relieved) at my price. Though I was also astounded because I hadn’t quite caught on to exactly what I was taking yet and the pharmacist handed me the bottle and said, “Here are your amphetamines, Mr. Deal.” <blink> “Wha?” “Here are your amphetamines. They are blue” and she shook a few out. Very weird moment for me.

You also raise an interesting question about creativity and where it comes from. For a while, I felt like my “talent” for bouncing around in my head actually helped me write better. Or at least have more odd and possibly humorous juxtapositions. I’m coming to believe that is not the case. “Gaining focus” feels like it helps me far more than being able to pull a few radically different thoughts together in one or two sentences as a punch line. Time will tell on that score, of course.

Reha and I had a conversation tonight about how the “focus” thing was going and I gave this example from today. At about 1 PM I went and got a drink, went to the little boy’s room (sorry, I’m 12, OK?) and then sat back down to work. I didn’t get up again until 6. I was actually stiff from having sat so long. (Not good, I know; thinking the alarm thing might come in handy in this instance as well). Anyway, I didn’t do *anything* but work on a specific project that whole time. I wasn’t distracted by anything going on around me in the studio or by all the normal “attention temptations” that constantly swirl in my computer world (twitter, email, etc.). That is far from the norm for me. It was glorious. So yeah, minus a few points for weird side effects, but plus several thousand for making me feel like I have normalcy in my head.

@all — Thank you very much for your kind words (and emails)! I appreciate it.

Posted by jon on 12/04/08 at 12:20 AM
I am so happy to hear that you have found yourself some answers and help. Excellent news, bishop!

As for entering early menopause...have you considered talking to your doctor about hormone replacement therapy? (Tee hee!)

Posted by Pants on 12/04/08 at 11:57 AM
“Here are your amphetamines, Mr. Deal.” I totally get how weird that can be. A doctor once prescribed me medicine for my way out of control motion sickness. Without looking at the prescription (who can read them anyway) I went to the pharmacy and turned it in. Then I am standing, bottle in hand, asking the pharmacist why he gave me Valium. “I’m not nervous to fly,” I slowly explained, “it makes me violently ill.” Jokes on me, ‘cuz it works like a charm and makes me oh, so agreeable at the same time (my husband saves all the important requests for the magical six hour window). I ration them (they will only give me 10-20 at a time) between travel (be it boat, plane, bus or train, yuck) and family get-togethers.

Anyhoo, back to you. I love that you have ADHD and make pro/con lists; it’s a very intriguing combination of behaviors. I think it sounds like you are adjusting nicely to the medication, and that must be a huge relief. For your spouse to notice some differences is encouraging as well, no?

Sorry this is such an “Illiad & Oddessy” length of comment. Loralee and I talk about you occasionally and I feel as though we’re almost old friends. (I find your blog hilarious and have sent the skittles review to most of my family.)

Posted by Chelle on 12/04/08 at 05:45 PM
This was very interesting to me. I’m wondering if the internet exacerbated the symptoms over the years.

As parents of a child on the autism spectrum, we’re frequently cautioned to limit the amount of time he spends on media due to it’s potential contribution to focus deterioration.

I don’t believe I have ADD, but my ability to remain focused on one project for longer periods of time has reduced since I’ve become more involved in blogging, surfing, etc… I’m not anti-internet, just sharing my personal experience.

I’m glad you’re finding the medication helpful. Please keep us informed. Your honesty is helpful and generous. Plus you’re funny.

Posted by Chris on 12/06/08 at 06:33 PM
@Chris—fixed your typo for you. :-] And yeah, I think the Internet and all the distractions that go along with it (blinking things on my computer, alerts, etc.) didn’t help me and my condition. I’ve been trying to shut down all the gee-gaws on my machine except the bare minimum. That and the meds are really helping!

Thanks!

Posted by Jon on 12/07/08 at 07:42 PM
The meds are so expensive… my daughter was on something (Ritalin LA) for ADHD, and even with insurance, it wasn’t exactly in my budget.

I stopped the meds, because she was so irritable and cranky in the evenings, and she is only five. She was starting to bite her fingers, as well.

Posted by fraizerbaz on 12/09/08 at 10:38 AM
Golden = good.
So, so pleased for you.
(Effortless weight loss? At your age? I’m with Reha.)

Posted by Novembrance on 12/09/08 at 02:15 PM

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Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Hi There! I Am the Personification of a First World Problem

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