Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Fall Fashion Guide

Fall is here!

Yes, I know Fall “officially” started a little while ago, but I’ve been swamped, so back off, man.

First off, it was an exciting summer in Fashion here at Ransom Note Typography HQ. I bought two pairs of shorts. I wore them out in public. No one died after basking in the glow of my pasty white calves. It was glorious.

Second, I subscribe to a personalized “Fashion Do’s and Don’ts” newsletter. Every season I get an update on what I should and shouldn’t be wearing. Some tips are specific to me, but there’s a lot of good info in there! The least I could do is share with you.

• Sweater vests—Still out. We don’t expect a serious comeback of the sweater vest until Michael J. Fox revisits his Alex P. Keating role from Family Ties. Best not to try and pull off the “sweater vest look” man. You aren’t nearly dorky enough. Plus, you’d have to start wearing bow ties again, and that’s also a bad move.


• Corduroy Pants—Acceptable in limited use. Also, we’ve seen reports of severe burns and/or rashes from overheating as people in cords walk down the street. People! If you are going to wear cords, know the limits and friction ratios of your inner thighs. BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!


• Argyle Socks—Fine, but again. MODERATION is the key. And stay away from argyle with purple in it (even as an accent color). You just look ridiculous.


• Tweed—Good to go, but only if you plan on actually finishing that Ph.D. in Comparative Literature this year.


• Leather—Never again. Especially not chaps. The mental picture alone is sickening.


• Black tee shirts with funny slogans/art/band names—Never went out of style! Except that “Keep on Truckin’!” shirt. Burn that.


• Jeans with holes in them—Grow up man! You are 41 years old! You have a job, go buy a couple new pairs, for the love of Levi Strauss on a gingerbread house.


• Sweaters—Marginally OK. Make sure they aren’t “Cosby” sweaters and you should be fine. Though last time we peeked in your closet, all we saw were multi-colored monstrosities, so you might need to go shopping. Stick to solid colors. No patterns or textures or you’ll get in trouble like that one year with the “frills and tassels” fiasco. No one wants to see that happen again.

See you in December when we talk about whether powder blue snow suits are IN or not!

1. First off, glad to see you are blogging again, I was starting to wonder if sarcasm was going out of style.

   Second, the sweater vest memo needs to go out to every man over 12. A lot of them haven’t gotten it.

   Posted by Libby  on  10/21/08  at  04:53 PM

2. I still have a couple of sweater vests in my closet… just waiting for the right time to reappear.

   Posted by Neil  on  10/21/08  at  05:07 PM

3. Darnit.  I like sweater vests on men and boys.  Are you sure this is a reliable source?  I read that anything goes, as long as you wear it with confidence!

   Posted by chris  on  10/21/08  at  05:48 PM

4. Wait!  Don’t throw away the “multi-colored monstrosities” because I may finally host the Ugly Sweater and Wassail party I’ve been dreaming of for the last three holiday seasons.  There are prizes for the most awesome sweaters, and we could get you an invite via Loralee.

   Glad you’re back: I had to stop combing through your archives because I was worried you would assume I was a crazed stalker.  I think you are hilarious.  If you are going to have a defense mechanism, I think humor rules.

   Posted by Chelle  on  10/21/08  at  06:56 PM

5. Fall/winter clothing options in the upper left corner of the country revolve around fleece, gore-tex and waterproof shoes.

   Hate to burst you bubble, sweater-vests were never cool.  But, maybe flannel and wool shirts weren’t “in” where you were living in 1983.

   Posted by Michael  on  10/21/08  at  10:25 PM

6. I read this out loud to my husband and we both had a good laugh :) Thanks for sharing.

   Posted by darci  on  10/22/08  at  12:36 PM

7. Guru Jon, you failed to reveal to your adoring public what the new black is, as in “____ is the new black.” What is it, man?  White?  Tencel?  Chain mail?  Inquiring minds want to know.

   Posted by Novembrance  on  10/23/08  at  09:12 AM

8. Your list confirms that I am a fashion mess.

   Posted by Anitra  on  10/24/08  at  08:43 AM

9. what? i wore my argyle socks with the purple in them yesterday!!!

   Posted by ali  on  10/24/08  at  06:17 PM

10. I love sweater vests!  But no one has ever accused me of being cool, so ... sooo.  Not sure what my point was~

    Posted by NerdGirl  on  10/24/08  at  09:06 PM

11. I’m in Southeast Texas - so basically everything but band shirts and blue jeans are out since it doesn’t determine it is winter until sometime near February.  GAH!

    ANYWAY, my husband does have one pair of really fine looking navy cords and I nearly faint every time he wears them.  I swear it does things to the man’s butt that makes me want to rip them off and fulfill his every dream.

    Oh wait, did I just say that?

    Posted by OMSH  on  10/25/08  at  01:33 PM

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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