Friday, June 29, 2007

Classic Maneuver

Every man in a serious heterosexual and monogamous relationship, who wants to stay in that relationship, has learned possibly the most important lesson there is in life.

Lie about your wife’s butt.

Well, technically, you don’t have to lie, but we all know, you try your hardest not to speak ill of The Booty. As in the classic, “Do these jeans make my butt look big?”

“Nope. Looks great to me!”

Now, as you can tell, the key phrase here is to point out that the hiney looks great to YOU. Since this is a long term, committed relationship, your opinion as the male is the important one.

Well, no, it’s probably not, but let’s pretend it is.

Anyway, Reha and I were having a discussion about exercising. She’s taken up running and is starting to work out at the gym and is still at that stage where there is only pain and she hasn’t felt any real gains yet. She’s committed to carrying on with her program, but would like to see results faster. Standard exercises gripes.

“But seriously, your butt is totally smaller these days. Not like it was huge before, but I can tell it is smaller since you have been running. Absolutely.”

“I can’t believe you would even say that.”

“What? It’s true, it looks smaller. I love your butt, it’s awesome.”

“See, that’s just unbelievable to me.”

“Well, I do.”

“…”

“Plus, it’s the only butt I’m technically allowed to love.”

“So it’s more of a ‘love the butt you’re with’ kind of thing.”

1. The phrase “never volunteer information” comes to mind. Also “no good deed goes unpunished” but I’m not sure if that one applies.

   Still. You’re no stranger to danger.

   Posted by Radioactive Jam  on  06/29/07  at  10:54 AM

2. secret to my success… if I click on comments section I can read the your posts clearly!

   Posted by kelly  on  06/29/07  at  12:48 PM

3. Really, there is no way to win that. By saying it’s smaller, you’re saying it was big. If you say it’s not smaller, you’re saying it still is big.

   Once when complaining I was fat after Boy 1 was born, my ex told me, “Honey, you’re not fat. You’re just wide.” So see, there’s a difference between not being able to win, and really making it worse…

   Posted by Woman with kids  on  06/29/07  at  05:34 PM

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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