Thursday, August 16, 2007

A New Found Love

Demolition and re-construction has now begun in earnest at the Deal Family Compound. Tomorrow (or this weekend) I’ll post some very boring photos of holes in the foundation which prove that Things Are Happening and it will be very boring for all of you.  But it’s all very exciting for us. I took almost the entire house apart coming up on TWO years ago and have utterly failed to put it back together. So having a whole house will be something of a novelty we are looking forward to. It’s been a long time.

But this isn’t about the past.

It’s about The Dumpster.

Our general contractor (not named Ron) has brought his own Personal Dumpster to the house while the work is going on. I think if I hadn’t stayed in during lunch hours in Junior High and played with an Apple II, I might have liked to have ended up in a career like our G.C., i.e., a Man with his own Dumpster. So very cool. Plus it’s very swank indeed to be able to build things, instead of merely blazing away with a crowbar like Yours Truly. A whole different skill set.

Seriously, I can barely even describe how much I love having a dumpster at the end of our driveway. I’m thinking about canceling our County trash removal and buying me one of these things. If I weren’t so deliriously head over tailbone happy with Re as my spouse, I swear I’d be tempted to cheat on her with The Dumpster, dump Reha (get it, dump?! never mind...), marry The Dumpster in a tempestuous whirlwind romance in Vegas and finally settle down somewhere in the valley and begin to raise little wastebaskets of our own. And then cheat on The Dumpster when a Larger Dumpster came along. Such is my new found love and devotion for The Dumpster.

Except.

I was out tossing crap into The Dumpster and Ellis was out “helping” me. Meaning she was standing on the sidelines and chattering at me while I grunted and swore in Italian. (I only swear around the kids in languages like Italian that they have zero chance of understanding; I’m a Father of the Year Candidate, I know) The thing you need to understand about The Dumpster is that it is very, very large and thus has walls/sides that are also very, very tall.

So I’m trying to throw some pretty huge pieces of wood, dead tree limbs and other assorted large things over the side of the beast and I came up a bit short a couple of times. So basically, really large and heavy things are raining down on me; hence all the swearing in Italian. Once I almost got hit in the noggin with a 2x4 with rusty nails in it. And another time a ginormous tree limb came down on my arm. (I’m still kind of bleeding from that as a matter of fact).

Ellis pops out with:

“What are you doing, Daddy?”

“What do you mean, ‘what am I doing?’ I’m putting all this trash and stuff in The Dumpster.” (ed. note: You can tell The Dumpster gets capitalized by the reverence with which I utter the words, trust me.)

“Oh.”

“…”

“Daddy, you aren’t very good at it.”

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Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

 

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

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