Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A Dark Force

There is a irresistible force in the Universe. It cannot be stopped. It cannot be mollified or bargained with. You can’t sweet talk your way out of it. It is hard. It is real and it is powerful beyond belief.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

The mini-bar at a swanky hotel.

IT CALLS TO ME.

I’m am currently sitting across from a hotel mini bar in a swanky hotel.

I’m staring at it.

It’s staring back.

I swear to you, I can hear it whispering to me, “Come to me, open me, behold my mighty and tiny bottles of gin and bloody mary mix and weep with joy.”

A can of Diet Coke for $3.75. It must be the Diet Coke the gods themselves drink, mustn’t it?

A ridiculously teeny jar of macadamia nuts for $11. Think of what wondrous delights contained in that sealed jar!

A disposable Fuji QuickSnap camera labeled “for my memories” that weighs in at $15. Dear heaven above, that plastic lens surely captures pictures better than anything a mere mortal could purchase at any reputable camera shop. It’s film, too! What joy!

Anyway.

I now owe the Broadmoor hotel in Colorado Springs approximately $477.39 in mini-bar charges.

And I’ll be here until Saturday. Who needs a 401K?

At least I’ll have plenty of pictures of me half drunk on bad cabernet sauvignon and covered in tiny bottles of booze and dribbling pistachio nut husks.

Posted by Jon on 09/24/08 at 10:59 AM

  1. Okay, so this post is laden with so many openings for ‘that’s what she said’ that it’s taking all control I have not to say that. Also, I feel the same about mini bars. It’s as though somehow it’s extra special because of the gigabuck mark up. (gigabuck is a real word according to urbandictionary, BTW) Another also, I’m pretty sure if you did spend the $400, that might be more money than you have in your 401K as of this week.

    Posted by jenboglass (steenkybee)  on  09/25/08  at  06:27 PM

  2. Oh, wow!  You have a gift from turning the mundane into the hysterical.  Thanks!

    Posted by Taren  on  09/26/08  at  02:22 PM

  3. The Broadmoor’s beautiful.  My in-laws live in Colorado Springs - we’ve eaten there, never stayed though.

    I hope you didn’t binge, because it would have cost you an additional $9.00 for the two-pack of Advil to kill the headache.

    Posted by Csquaredplus3  on  09/26/08  at  04:43 PM

  4. Laughing hard @ “… I’ll have plenty of pictures of me half drunk on bad cabernet sauvignon and covered in tiny bottles of booze and dribbling pistachio nut husks.” Would love to see that photo.

    Posted by Hilary  on  09/30/08  at  11:32 AM
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