Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Cars:2, Jon:0
Went running last night. Dinky little three miler. No big deal.
Except that I’ve learned once and for all time that I really am no match for a car.
Since I currently don’t possess the ability to run in the mornings very well, I run pretty exclusively at night, except for long runs, when I drag my sorry booty out of bed before the sun comes up. Most people think I’m an idiot for running at night, but those people probably already think I’m an idiot for one reason or another anyway. I’m thinking of taking a poll.
I was out huffing and puffing my way down the road, facing oncoming traffic as you’re supposed to do. Or is it the other way around? Whatever. I’m facing oncoming traffic. So this car is headed toward me. Its high-beams are on and I was pretty much “blinded by the light” and having some trouble seeing anything but the two pin-points of light stabbing at my retinas.
I was running in the street, but way over on the shoulder. This little section of the road didn’t have a sidewalk and no curbs. Grumble. I’m now composing a stern letter to the County.
So since I really can’t see squat in front of me, I fail to notice the Mercedes Benz parked there on the side of the road.
I ran right into the stupid piece of finely crafted German engineering. Well, technically my left hip/thigh hit the beast and I kind of glanced off the front fender.
Right into the oncoming car with its brights on.
Panic set in then, overcoming the pain in my side. (Which, amazingly hasn’t even bruised, which I guess doesn’t speak too highly of how fast I can run.) I sort of stumbled a bit and started my arms flailing so my forward/sideways momentum wouldn’t carry me in front of the oncoming car and so I wouldn’t go “splat” all over it. I smacked into the Benz again. This time into the front door.
Which set off the car alarm.
Then Mr. High Beams honked at me. And you know how I love that! Though I could barely hear it over the combined din of my iPod and the Mercedes’ alarm.
I ran pretty fast after that.
Favorite Entries
If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.
- From the Office of Mis-directed Email
- Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
- Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
- A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
- We Regret the Error
- What I Did There
- Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
- Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
- Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
- I Need a Real Hobby
- Beat Down
- Big Fat Lies
- True Love
- Now MY Ovaries Hurt
- Don’t Get Her Started
- Disturbing Trend
- Had to do it
- Mooshy stuff
- Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
- Diva-licious!
- Just so we’re clear
- PETA may have a point
Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!
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Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?
©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.
