Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A Message from The Universe

I went to the gym yesterday at lunch and did my thing on the treadmill.

My “thing” currently consists of sitting on the treadmill and starving myself. That’s the best way to lose weight, right?

As I was huffing and puffing along and shuffling my feet in time to my iPod Shuffle, I happened to look up at the row of TVs above my head.

FOUR of the five TVs in my field of view had images of people hugging. Two different soap operas had passionate clenching, the mildly atrocious sitcom Just Shoot Me! had David Spade hugging someone and there was a commercial during the local noon news with a couple embracing. All at the same time. Odd, huh?

How the in the name of pork chop flavored biscuits did Just Shoot Me! last for SEVEN seasons on network television? I’m incredulous. And I even like David Spade’s schtick. (most of the time). Perhaps this is what’s wrong with America and culture in general. We entertain ourselves with dreck like Just Shoot Me! for that long.

Anyway, I just thought that was a little weird. Four TVs, all in a row, tuned to different stations and showing people hugging. I took it as a sign from a Greater Power and went back to work and hugged all my co-workers.

Though I probably should have told them the story about the TVs before hugging them, I think.

Oh, and then things at the gym got really odd. As I was walking out of the men’s locker room, a guy was shaving his head. Seriously, his whole head was all lathered up and he was running a razor across the back of his head. Isn’t that the kind of thing most people would rather do in the comfort of their own bathrooms? Or parking lots? Or restaurant lobbies like I do?

I took his head shaving extravaganza as a sign as well and shaved a co-worker’s curly locks as well.

Janet is NOT happy with me now.

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Correspondence
• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.