Monday, September 08, 2008

Look Back in Bewilderment

Fixate on this for a moment.

The Love Boat ran on TV for TEN seasons. Ten. Freaking. Years.

I’m not even sure I can wrap my head around how it must have been for the writers (and producers, directors, actors, etc.) in the last year or so of that show. The main cast was all but gone, they’d run through almost every conceivable plot line and quality had obviously not been seen in the building since the late 70s. It must have been hell.

Producer #1: We got picked up for another season!

Producer #2: You have GOT to be kidding me. This must be how Faust felt as his contract came due. You’re serious?

Producer #1: Yep. I just got off the phone with my agent. We are on for another year. I can’t believe it either.

Producer #2: But all of the major stars are gone! Sure, Gavin is still here, he doesn’t have anything better to do, but we offered Fred a wheelbarrow full of money and he’s not coming back. Says he wants to run for Congress or something. Whatever. And Ted is sick and tired of being the happy, hippy black bartender. He’s not coming back even if we let him captain the ship.

Producer #1: Really, he didn’t go for the “Captain Stubbing is down, call Isaac plot line!”?

Producer #2: No chance.

Producer #1: What about Charo? What if we got her a gig as the new Cruise Director?

Producer #2: No go. The cuchi-cuchi boat has sailed.

Producer #1: Well, I’m totally stuck. I’m not sure there is enough coke in Columbia to get me through this season. What the hell are we going to write? We’ve done everything!

Producer #2: I know. What about another Jimmie Walker as a ghost episode? That killed!

Producer #1: Not gonna do that. I had to choke back my spleen on that one. I can’t do it.

Producer #2: OK. I just got off the phone with my agent. We are getting killed as soon as they can find a mid-season replacement for us. So it’ll be like three episodes, plus a Christmas special.

Producer #1: Screw that. We’ll do two and stretch the Christmas one out as a two-parter.

Producer #2: Excellent plan. Oh, thank you, sweet release of death.

On a personal note, I used to watch this show RELIGIOUSLY as a boy. I had a huge boyhood crush on Lauren Tewes and when she left the show, I was CRUSHED. Also, if you spend even ten wasted minutes perusing the cast lists of those ten seasons, you’ll note that it reads like a “who’s who” of TV (and some movie) stars from the late 70s and early 80s. Crazy.

Also, please, DO NOT waste your time perusing the imdb pages for The Love Boat. I like you too much to know that you are wasting your life and time on something like that.

My guess, every TV age will have one of these kinds of shows. Deliciously bad, but appeals to a certain demographic. See Zack and Cody and their moronic Suite Life in 15-20 years.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

RNT Mission Statement

I’m currently redesigning the Ransom Note Typography site. I’m also taking the opportunity to re-think some things.

Hence, I present you with the shiny and new Ransom Note Typography Mission Statement:

1) At Ransom Note Typography, we are committed to presenting our loyal readers with quality content on a regular basis.

The same standard of poorly written, cheaply executed and deeply flawed ideas will continue. On the same unpredictable, irrational and irregular schedule I’ve enjoyed of late.

2) The reader is the most important member of the Ransom Note Typography Team. Without you, we wouldn’t be here.

I have readers! Suck it, lesser blogs! And, you can’t spell “reader” without stealing a few letters from “team,” now can you?

3) Ransom Note Typography strives to open new markets and garner as many new readers as possible while still maintaing our high standards.

Why can’t I be dooce or kottke, too? And don’t say it’s because they have talent and I’m basically a hack. That’s been said to me a million times already, OK? And for the love of all that is holy, will someone please click on those goofy ad things over there? I have a kid in college now! Come on!

4) Ransom Note Typography will never stoop to being evil, merely for a piece of your page views.

Submit this to Digg! Reddit! StumbleUpon! Please, pretty please on a bacon flavored cherry lollipop, tell all your friends and family members about me! Subscribe in a feed reader! I’m pathetic and emotionally needy and desperate for the attention and validation of strangers on the Internet! The therapy isn’t helping!

5) Ransom Note Typography is “kid friendly” and will never go blue and seek the cheap laughs of comedic vulgarity.

Shit, we’d never do that.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Gender Politics, Indeed

Jonah (10) has asked about pregnancy. Specifically, he wants to know what labor and delivery means. Reha is going into some detail about how uterine contractions and labor and delivery work. All that squeezing.

Re: So when the baby is coming and all that is happening you want to be [she’s about to say, “be near a hospital in case something goes wrong,” but Jonah interrupts]

Jonah: A man. It’s a good idea to be a man.

Well played, Jonah. Well played.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Fear My Tears

Carrie from Jon Deal on Vimeo.

Our oldest daughter left for college. I gathered a bunch of old photos of her and strung them together.

She’s awesome.

It’s crazy how time flies. I swear, it feels like she was born about twenty minutes ago.

And yes, I did weep a lot while making this.


And if you dare make fun of my hair as seen here (or the popped collar at around the 3:00 mark), I will hunt you down and do bad things to you. Or, I’ll just find bad pics of you from your past and post them on the IntarWebs. Don’t push me, pal, I’m a man on the edge right now.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ain’t No Pain Like This

I am still swamped and will be until later this week.

But I just have to say this:

Carrie (our oldest), just left for college.

I watched from the middle of the street as the van turned the corner.

And wept. Tears of sorrow and joy at the same time. It’s awful and wonderful and crazy-making.

More later. (I have a fair amount to say about this, as you can imagine.)

 

Novus

Proximus

 

Favorite Entries

If you are new around here, the following entries have been reasonably well received. You might want to peruse these.

• Help Wanted
• From the Office of Mis-directed Email
• A Word from the Small Person in the House
• RNT Product Review: Chocolate Mix Skittles Left Me Sterile!
• Jon’s Report Card circa… A Long Time Ago
• Dear Gratuitously Naked Conversationalist at the Gym:
• A Peek Inside the Writer’s Guild and Producers’ Negotiations
• We Regret the Error
• Letters from a Homeowner to His General Contractor
• What I Did There
• Hermaphrodite Administrative Assistants and Receptionists Need Not Apply
• Giving Me an IM Account Was Obviously a Huge Mistake
• Official Ransom Note Typography Vista vs. Mac OS X Shootout
• I Need a Real Hobby
• Beat Down
• Big Fat Lies
• True Love
• Now MY Ovaries Hurt
• Don’t Get Her Started
• Disturbing Trend
• Had to do it
• Mooshy stuff
• Ransom Note Typography End User License Agreement “EULA”
• Diva-licious!
• Just so we’re clear
• PETA may have a point

Holy Crap! Look at all this STUFF down here. It's awesome!

Really, I'm glad you made it down here. Almost no one ever comes down here. I'm like in a freaking dungeon down here. I get lonely. But not you. YOU made it all the way to the end of the page. For this I think I've a little crush on you. I don't know, is "love" to strong a word to use in this situation? Well, if it's not "love," then it's very strong "like." I'm totally in like with you for coming down here. You are awesome. Please love me back! I know, I know, I shouldn't be all needy, it's not attractive at all, but you don't know how it is to be stuck down here. Who scrolls all the way to the end of a page anymore these days? Anyway, thanks for shedding some light down here in the depths. I appreciate it. Shoot me an email and I'll send you a dollar, OK?

©2005-2008 Jon B. Deal All Rights Reserved. I'm not kidding around here, I know people who know other people who would be willing to beat you up or similarly infringe on your rights, should you happen to infringe on my rights.